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Episode 143: Mind-altering coasters
Published 4th July, 2025
Transcription by Caption+
Tom:
What nine-letter word means "someone to break bread with"?
The answer to that at the end of the show.
My name's Tom Scott, and this is Lateral.
On the show today we are delighted to be joined by a trio of stand-up comedians, all of whom are off to the Edinburgh Fringe.
I am not sure what the collective noun for comedians is. A punchline, a heckle, a therapy session. Whatever it is, our guests could beat any courier company in the world. Because they all have excellent delivery.
I'm sorry, alright? I just—I'm—
Stuart:
Wow​.
Tom:
Yeah, being outclassed—
Bella:
That​ was good. That was crazy.
Tom:
(laughs) Thank you. Thank you, for the one non-professional here who is—who is
Stuart:
I believe the collective noun is a "threat".
SFX:
(group laughing)
Tom:
And on that note, we start first:
Stuart Laws. Welcome to the show.
Stuart:
Tha​nks so much for having me. I can't wait to laterally think all over the gaffe.
Tom:
Oh! (chortles) What sort of things are you doing up at the Fringe?
Stuart:
I'm​ doing, like, a play/stand-up hybrid, which is lateral thinking, if you think about it, because normally you do one or the other but I said, "You know what? No genre can confine me."
I'm doin' both in a show about the time I worked as the caretaker of an island of puffins. One went missing and I had to solve its mys— the mystery of its disappearance.
Tom:
That's​ incredible and I have to ask where the island was.
Stuart:
In the north Atlantic, but I can't say any more because it's not a real island.
Tom:
For a moment, I was genuinely convinced that you were puffin island guardian there.
Stuart:
Wel​l, and between you and me, I was.
SFX:
(Tom and Olaf chuckle)
Tom:
Well, very best of luck both with the puffins and the show today. You are also joined by Bella Hull. Welcome to the show.
Bella:
Hell​o. Thank you so much for having me.
Tom:
Are you doing anything at the Fringe, and is it to do with puffins?
Bella:
I'm doing stuff at the Fringe. Whether or not puffins will be involved is kind of an issue for the legal team, I think.
Tom:
(laughs)
Bella:
I'm doing my third hour of stand-up. It's called "Doctors Hate Her." It's at Monkey Barrel at 1:55 pm.
Tom:
Oh, get the time and location in there! Well done!
Bella:
Hell​ yeah. It's at Hive 2, so have some— have a disgusting hot dog or pizza that costs £2.25 and from a kiosk, and then come to the show. And nurse your stomachache while you listen to my new jokes.
Tom:
Stuart​, do you wanna get the time and date in (laughs) while you have the opportunity?
Stuart:
You​ can actually do the double. You can do the Bella Hull, Hive 2, 1:55, you come out of there, you got five minutes to make it up the road to the Tron for a 3 pm start.
Tom:
And if we've done our research – which, to be clear, we haven't – then hopefully the third member of our panel today will round this out. Olaf Falafel, welcome to the show. Where and when are you at the Fringe?
Olaf:
Hello​, and thank you for having me. So I am doing two shows
Tom:
(gasps)
Olaf:
at the Fringe. I'm doing a kids' comedy show which is at 11:30 at the Counting House Ballroom. So you can go to that, 'cause it finishes at 12:30, and then you can leg it down to the Monkey Barrel. Unfortunately, I'm also— unfortunately I'm doing an adult grown-up show, and that clashes. That's at 2:30.
Tom:
Ohh! You'll just have to go to the Fringe for multiple days.
Olaf:
Yes.
Stuart:
Yea​h.
Tom:
What is your style? I mean, I have in my notes here, multiple time winner of Best Joke at the Fringe?
Olaf:
Well,​ not multiple. I've won it once.
Tom:
Won it once. Multiple-time nominee, right?
Olaf:
Multi​ple-time nominee, but due to COVID, I'm actually the person who's held the title the longest.
Tom:
Right.
Olaf:
'Caus​e I won it in 2019. And then I capitalised on all of that great PR by not going to the Fringe for a couple more years.
Bella:
It was you that ate that bat. You wanted to hold the title for as long as poss.
Olaf:
Exact​ly. It's a bit like when Portsmouth won the FA Cup before the war broke out.
Tom:
(laughs)
Olaf:
That'​s what I always liken it to. But I've also got a— I need to plug this as well. I've also got a joke book coming out... July the 10th, which will be my merch for my kids' show.
Tom:
Ah.
Olaf:
And that has a lot of really bad jokes that I've written.
Tom:
You will get on very well with our producer.
Good luck to all three of you on the show today. Let's see who can deliver the best answer for question one.
A Cessna 150 plane went right through Michel Lotito and yet he lived to tell the tale. How?
I'll say that again.
A Cessna 150 plane went right through Michel Lotito and yet he lived to tell the tale. How?
Olaf:
Can you spell Michel Lotito for me?
Tom:
I can. M-I-C— Are you Googling? (laughs) I'm sorry!
Olaf:
No, no, no, no!
SFX:
(group laughing)
Tom:
M-I-C-​H-E-L, L-O-T-I-T-O.
Stuart:
So I know what happened. Basically it was one of those shrinking rays that we've all seen, you know, advertised in the back of newspapers.
Tom:
Mhm.
Stuart:
The​y shrunk that Cessna down and it went straight in through the mouth and out of one of the other exits
Tom:
(chuckles)
Stuart:
tha​t you can get out of, of the human body.
Tom:
I love the reference to shrinking rays advertised in the back of newspapers, which I feel is a reference that predates both of us.
Stuart:
(laughs) Yeah, it does feel like classic golden age of Americana '50s, '60s.
Tom:
Yep.
Stuart:
It'​s like, do you want a shrinking ray, some X-ray specs—
Tom:
Yep.
Stuart:
And​ then some sort of, like, mini spaceship.
Tom:
Mhm.
Stuart:
Jet​pack.
Tom:
Jetpac​k. Those are technically a real thing now. It's just they're not advertised in the back of newspapers.
Stuart:
The​y're advertised in weird adverts on Twitter.
Tom:
Mm, yes.
Stuart:
Yea​h.
Olaf:
Whatâ​€”excuse my ignorance, but what is a Cessna?
Stuart:
How​ dare you? How dare you ask what a light aircraft is?
Olaf:
Is it— is it some kind of— is it a Hotpoint washing machine or dishwasher?
Stuart:
(laughs) Look. When I was younger, I flew a Cessna. It is a wonderful, wonderful single-prop airplane.
Bella:
(chuckles)
Stuart:
And​ I think the 150's got the wings above the fuselage. Is that correct?
Tom:
I—I don't know! I'm gonna have to look up a Cessna 150 now! We've—It's not strictly relevant to the question but I love that someone has come in with that sort of plane trip.
Olaf:
Do you put glassware in the top or the bottom rack?
SFX:
(Tom and Stuart laugh)
Stuart:
It'​s all obviously in the top rack. Who's putting glassware in the bottom rack?
Olaf:
Mania​cs like me.
Bella:
Some​times I put a long pint glass in the bottom rack just 'cause it's so long, you know, it doesn't fit in the drawer.
Olaf:
I've got a really long... God, what is it? Blue Moon? Is it Blue Moon glass? And that only fits in the bottom. Yeah, of my Cessna. Hotpoint Cessna.
Bella:
I think that the Cessna is like a curry. It's one of these curry places that's— all of their dishes is like a different aeroplane. You know how they— different restaurants do that. I think the Cessna is like a really spicy curry and it went right through the guy. Yeah.
Tom:
Wellâ€â€‹”
Stuart:
It'​ll make you spit fire.
Bella:
Yeah​, exactly. If you know what I mean. It will make you evacuate.
Tom:
(laughs) The thing is, you're not that far away from the truth between you.
Olaf:
(wheezes) Is it a chili pepper?
Tom:
No. This is genuinely a plane.
Stuart's right. It's a Cessna 150. Is a two-seat high wing airplane. Just one of those that gets taken off of little airfields, flown by individuals, and you're right. The wings are up at the top. But it is a proper full-size one.
Olaf:
Oh, okay.
Tom:
No, go on, Olaf. Go on.
Olaf:
No, I was gonna say, did it come free in a pack of Kellogg's Corn Flakes or something and the comedy kinda— (imitates choking) "Oh! What was that?" And then...
Tom:
Mm...
Stuart:
You​ just have to wait for nature.
Tom:
Well..​.
Stuart:
Reg​retting the high wing.
SFX:
(group chuckling)
Tom:
You've​ sort of got it.
Olaf:
(rasps)
Tom:
You've​ got the manner in which the plane passed through him.
Bella:
Dige​sted it.
Tom:
...Yes​?
Olaf:
Ooh! Is he one of these weird people who eats things and takes them to bits and then, like, there's a guy who used to eat a car, but he would take— is that him?
Tom:
He is that guy. That is the guy. Yes, he ate the plane piece by piece.
Olaf:
Nutte​r.
Stuart:
Wha​t?
Tom:
This is—aged nine, Michel Lotito accidentally broke a glass in his mouth, and noticed that he didn't suffer any consequences. Please, if you are nine years old and listening to this, do not try this at home.
Olaf:
I thought you were gonna say, aged nine, he accidentally ate a Cessna.
SFX:
(group laughing)
Stuart:
Yea​h, yeah. "Oh, I took my eyes off him for a second! He's eating a Cessna!"
SFX:
(group laughing)
Stuart:
Oh!
Tom:
So as a stunt, he subsequently ate... all manner of weird things, including 18 bicycles, seven televisions, six chandeliers, two beds, and a coffin.
Stuart:
Rig​ht, and what did he do with the partridge in the pear tree?
Tom:
(laughs)
Bella:
(snickers)
Stuart:
Jus​t gave it a nice peck on the cheek.
Tom:
Betwee​n 1978 and '80, he ate an entire Cessna 150 light aircraft that had been cut into manageable pieces. Around two pounds of metal— so about a kilo of metal—a day.
Bella:
How big is a manageable piece?
SFX:
(others laughing)
Bella:
I know the word "manageable." Like, it's manageable to eat titanium that's this big.
Stuart:
No,​ I couldn't tonight.
Bella:
Yeah​, that's all just unmanageable!
Olaf:
On the side of the plane, did it have a little graph that said the calories per plane and then per portion?
Bella:
And it was like, red or green.
SFX:
(group laughing)
Tom:
Afterw​ards, you know how they get little decals on fighter planes for the ones they've shot down? He just got a tattoo of a Cessna.
Stuart:
Oh,​ yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bella:
Righ​t.
Olaf:
So go next to the coffin and the partridge in—
Tom:
Yeah, sorry, that's not true, to be clear. I wasn't reading off my notes. I just accidentally used my authoritative voice for a joke which isn't generally a good idea.
Stuart:
Wha​t's the biggest thing you've eaten that you shouldn't have eaten?
Bella:
Six Portuguese tarts right in a row.
Olaf:
I don't wanna show off here, but I have had the biggest Toblerone that you can get at the airport.
Stuart:
The​ 4.5 kilos? I know about it.
Tom:
How long did it take?
Olaf:
It took me a few days but I did it, and... I was hallucinating after. So that was big and that was good.
Tom:
There is one more note here, which is that Michel Lotito was awarded a plaque by Guinness World Records. What did he do with it?
Olaf:
He ate it.
Bella:
He ate it.
Tom:
Yes, he did. Absolutely right.
Olaf:
(snickers)
Tom:
Each of our guests has brought a question with them.
We will start today with Bella. Whenever you're ready.
Bella:
Afte​r celebrating St. Patrick's Day at a Toronto bar, a man changed his mind about something because his drinks coaster was made of metal. What was it, and why?
After celebrating St. Patrick's Day at a Toronto bar, a man changed his mind about something because his drinks coaster was made of metal. What was it, and why?
Tom:
Okay.
SFX:
(Tom and Olaf laugh)
Stuart:
Oka​y, so the key details we're looking at here is St. Patrick's Day, he's changing his mind, and it required something light. Otherwise it was dangerous. So he was gonna do an Oddjob-style flinging the beer coaster across the room and then he realised, "No, this is taking someone's head clean off." And that would not be right on St. Patrick's Day, unless it was a snake. Unless he was attacking a snake.
Tom:
Oh, good St. Patrick reference!
Stuart:
(laughs)
Tom:
He can't be doing that thing where he's just flicking the beer mat up and trying to catch it in midair.
Stuart:
You​ mean beer mat flipping? The thing that I tried a world record for?
Tom:
I'm sorry, you what?
Stuart:
Yea​h, I tried for the world record of most beer mats flipped in 60 seconds, and I came up short by about eight.
Tom:
Oh, wait, you came up short by eight on 100, or eight on nine?
Stuart:
So you had to do single beer mats.
Tom:
Yep.
Stuart:
The​ most you can do in 60 seconds. The record's something like 74.
Tom:
Okay! If the record was ten and you came up eight short, I was gonna be like, that's—
Stuart:
Oh,​ yeah, yeah, yeah. That is less impressive.
SFX:
(group laughing)
Olaf:
See, I always thought it was how many you could flip.
Stuart:
Wel​l, it's different— there's different –
Tom:
Differ​ent records.
Stuart:
–​ categories, yeah. Yeah, I've done 50 in one hand.
Olaf:
Wow.
Tom:
Wow!
Stuart:
Yea​h, and I'm not, you know, blessed with big hands.
SFX:
(Tom and Bella laugh)
Olaf:
Oh, don't bring yourself down, Stuart.
Stuart:
No,​ you'll see it on all my profiles.
Olaf:
I've seen your gloves.
Stuart:
(giggles)
Tom:
He's gotta be drunk at this point, right? He's been celebrating St. Patrick's Day and he's in a bar in Toronto. And North America—
Stuart:
Yea​h, the famously Irish city.
Tom:
Well, North America tends to go harder for St. Patrick's Day than parts of Ireland do.
Olaf:
He probably started off in Ireland and ended up in Toronto. Like, "Whoa, how did I get here?" Is it the fact that it's metal something to do with it? Is it— I'm thinking magnetic.
Stuart:
Oh,​ so he had an MRI planned.
Olaf:
Yeah!
SFX:
(group laughing)
Stuart:
He was gonna use that to sort of, like... fool the people into thinking his... you know, his liver was bigger or something.
Tom:
He got a shard of the beer mat and just embedded in him and he couldn't have the MRI anymore.
Stuart:
Exa​ctly.
Bella:
It's​ not a million miles away from... that. Well it is, but it's kind of—
Tom:
This is why you say the stupid ideas!
Bella:
It's​ kind of like, it's, you know, the— the harmfulness of an object made of metal. It's not irrelevant to this discussion.
Stuart:
Hmm​, so he couldn't get through airport security afterwards or something like that?
Bella:
(laughs)
Tom:
Oh, they'll not let you on a plane with a beer mat. That's— Not a metal one, anyway.
Olaf:
I'm trying to think of alternative uses for a beer mat, 'cause you can use them to fix a hole, a temporary hole in a shoe, but then that turns your shoe into tap shoes which is like Riverdance, so that would be completely appropriate.
Tom:
I love everything about that last sentence. That was wonderful.
Stuart:
Act​ually, hang on. Let's just go back. This was Michael Flatley in Toronto.
SFX:
(Tom and Olaf giggle)
Stuart:
Try​ing to work out.
Tom:
With the tap shoes.
Stuart:
(laughs)
Olaf:
It's Irish Pluto.
Stuart:
Did​ he change his mind about whether or not to self-fund a spy movie?
SFX:
(Tom and Olaf chuckle)
Tom:
Oh—
Stuart:
Do you know about that?
Tom:
That's​ a deep Michael Flatley cut there.
Stuart:
I'l​l keep doing deep cuts.
Tom:
Yeah, Michael Flatley funded and starred in his own spy movie, right?
Stuart:
Yea​h, yeah. Like, it is, like, um, what is it? "Operation Midnight" or whatever.
Olaf:
"Thre​at Level Midnight."
Stuart:
"Th​reat Level Midnight" from The Office, but it's Michael Flatley did do that.
SFX:
(Stuart and Olaf snicker)
Stuart:
And​ I get that, right? I'm not, you know— He's not content with just being, you know, one of the world's leading dancers, romancers of women. He was like, "I need to also be a spy in a film that I direct and write myself. You know, I've moved in—"
Tom:
Thank you Producer David who's just told me that Flatley's film was called Blackbird, it cost 3 million euro, and had box office receipts of 130,000 euro.
Stuart:
♪​ Blackbird romancing women in the sky tonight ♪
Olaf:
I mean, Michael Flatley, if he wants to lose that amount of money, he should do a Fringe show.
SFX:
(group laughing)
Bella:
He wasn't satisfied just having the Guinness Book of World Records for romancing women.
SFX:
(group laughing)
Stuart:
Yea​h, and I connect with that because I've moved from stand-up to stand-up/theatre. So you know, I'm romancing women.
Bella:
Stan​d-up/romancing women.
Olaf:
With your big hands.
Bella:
You'​re still on that podium holding a silver medal. And above you is Michael Flatley.
SFX:
(scattered giggling)
Stuart:
Oka​y, so hang on. That's maybe a clue. A silver medal. Is it metal? Was the metal silver?
Bella:
The coaster was made of something that... was I suppose a recy— used to be something else.
Tom:
Alumin​ium. It's gonna be aluminium. Surely.
Stuart:
Mer​cury. It was a liquid beer coaster.
Bella:
It doesn't say what exactly the material was, but it was made from... a part of an old thing. And it made him change his mind about something.
Tom:
It was an old Cessna that had previously been eaten and excreted. No...
SFX:
(guests laughing)
Tom:
So, it could be a beer mat made of old beer cans.
Stuart:
(gasps) That's gotta be it.
Bella:
That​'s not it.
Tom:
Oh! That was one of those moments where I'm like, "Ah, that's great! He's changed his mind about recycling!" No, okay, fine.
Bella:
So he's changed his mind about doing something at the end of the night... because of what this coaster is made of.
Tom:
Gettin​g a kebab and regretting your life decisions.
Stuart:
Why​ would you change your mind about something? Because you suddenly got a thing that you didn't have before? Apart from, you know, like, a bloodborne virus, but—
Bella:
(laughs)
Olaf:
Could​ it have been he was gonna do something bad?
Tom:
Drink driving!
Bella:
Mmmm​-hm.
Olaf:
And this acted like a (mimics choir singing)
Bella:
Corr​ect.
Tom:
Drink driving. Yeah.
Stuart:
Oh,​ so the beer coaster is made from wrecked vehicles from drink driving accidents.
Olaf:
Car crashes.
Bella:
Corr​ect.
Tom:
Oh, well done, Stuart!
Olaf:
Yes.
Stuart:
Wow​.
Bella:
Very​ good.
Stuart:
I get why this show's called Lateral.
Tom:
(laughs)
Bella:
In 2017, a whiskey bar in Toronto served used coasters made from metal salvaged from crashed vehicles. The coasters carried the message, "This coaster used to be a car. That car never made it home." The metal was sourced from a body shop which repaired cars that had been in collisions.
It was part of a campaign by Arrive Alive, an organisation that raises awareness about the impact of drunk driving.
Tom:
Thank you very much, folks. Next one's from me.
The film critic Mark Kermode placed five-pound bets on the winners of five major Oscar categories before the 1992 nominations had been announced. Why was he distraught when he discussed this some months later, after all five bets had won?
I'll say that again.
The film critic Mark Kermode place five-pound bets on the winners of five major Oscar categories before the 1992 nominations had been announced. Why was he distraught when he discussed this some months later, after all five bets had won?
Olaf:
Well,​ I'm thinking straight away... that he is discussing it on a show with the person who was up for all five and didn't win.
So, is it one of those Oscar things where you've got two movies that are really going for all of the things, and he bet on— I don't even know what 1992 would have been.
Pulp Fiction was '94, wasn't it?
Stuart:
Dancing With Wolves? Or was that '91?
Olaf:
And then whoever the other one was was on his radio show and... was still quite sore about it.
Stuart:
Wha​t about if Mark Kermode himself was up for every single one of those awards?
Tom:
(laughs)
Olaf:
Ooh.
Stuart:
And​ he was distraught to not win best actor, best actress, best director—
Olaf:
'Caus​e he was actually best supporting male actor in Michael Flatley's Blackbird.
Tom:
(laughs)
Stuart:
Yea​h, yeah. Yeah, he took— He swept the board.
Tom:
Yeah. You're right about part of that, Olaf, which is there was a time delay between the win and the discussion.
He was actually on Danny Baker's show talking about it when he... He discussed it later.
Olaf:
So Danny Baker was up for all that!
Tom:
(laughs)
Stuart:
(chuckles snidely)
Bella:
Did the films later turn out to be sort of evil?
Stuart:
Han​g on, yeah. I remember that. Hitler. Hitler, the good guy. I remember. That was it.
Bella:
Yeah​, Hitler the good guy. It was The Hangover but with Mussolini, Hitler, and Stalin.
SFX:
(guys laughing)
Tom:
The films themselves actually don't matter.
Stuart:
Oh,​ well—
Olaf:
Why would you be gutted that you've won... £12.90 times five?
Tom:
Yeah, so each bet would bring in about 25 quid. So he made about 120, 125 quid, more or less.
Bella:
Was he talking to somebody about betting and how unethical it is?
Tom:
He would've had some qualms about that. He actually had a Methodist upbringing, and was really not certain about gambling. He definitely wasn't used to betting.
Bella:
Mhm.
Tom:
That's​ important here.
Olaf:
Ah, so he has a Methodist upbringing.
Tom:
The Methodist specifically isn't important, but he was not used to going into a bookie's and putting bets down.
Stuart:
So he didn't know that he could go back and get money. He just thought he'd go in, put the money on, and then was like, "Yay, I won!"
Tom:
He didn't know something.
Stuart:
(gasps) He didn't know what— the way around the odds are. So he thought he'd won way more than he had. You know, where it's supposed to be, it's three-to-one, you put on five pounds, you get 15 back.
Tom:
Yeah, they're about five-to-one on average.
Stuart:
No,​ because in '91 there's a film called Last Boy Scout with Bruce Willis, where it's an action film where the plot of it revolves around illegal sports betting, and a cabal that are doing that, and he's like— and it's such a weird watch if you're from the UK 'cause the villain is someone who organises betting on sports, which is a cornerstone of the UK life.
Tom:
(laughs) Yes. And now a cornerstone of the US, now they've legalised it.
Stuart:
Yea​h.
Tom:
I remember an American friend telling me they were confused about a plot in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels because they, you know... there's a plot in there about a betting shop. And they just assumed that the concept of a betting shop was illegal by definition.
Olaf:
(laughs)
Tom:
How could you have placed that bet more wisely?
Olaf:
Doing​ an accumulator.
Tom:
That's​ the key word! Yes!
Olaf:
So he's got—he didn't put an accumulator on.
Tom:
He did, well, more than that.
Olaf:
He thought he had.
Tom:
What might Danny Baker have told him about?
Stuart:
Abo​ut the multiplier effect of an accumulator.
Tom:
Yeah, could you talk me through the accumulator? Like, what is it?
Olaf:
Well,​ basically, the winnings from one goes on to the next, and that goes onto the next and then that— so it would be—he would win a million rather than—
Tom:
He would have won 70,000 pounds. Which given, you know... 1992 is now old enough that I think I kinda have to adjust that for inflation. That would be, you know, decently low six figures these days, if he had known the concept of an accumulator.
Olaf:
He could have put a Heinz or one of those multiple bets that does the singles, the doubles— I don't know about gambling.
Bella:
A Heinz?
Olaf:
Yeah,​ it's got— there's 57 different bets
Tom:
(laughs)
Olaf:
from five— I think it's five selections.
Tom:
Yeah.
Olaf:
I used to really like betting on horses.
Tom:
(laughs) Yes, Mark Kermode was so naive for betting that he went in, he placed five bets that he was sure were going to win, they did all win, and he made about 100 quid when he could've made 70,000.
Bella:
That​'s gutting.
Tom:
Well, it wasn't at the time. He was happy. He got his 100 quid in. And then he goes on Danny Baker's show after the Oscars ceremony. He says all his bets had won, and Baker says... "You did do an accumulator, didn't you?"
Olaf:
(cracks up)
Tom:
And he replies, "What's an accumulator?"
Bella:
What​ an idiot(!)
Tom:
(laughs uproariously)
Bella:
And now we know that everything he said about films was said by an idiot.
SFX:
(guys laughing)
Bella:
So anyone listening whose film's been torn to shreds by this man—
Tom:
Michae​l Flatley, are you listening?
Olaf:
I've got a great idea for a movie.
SFX:
(group laughing)
Tom:
Stuart​ we will go over to you for the next question, please.
Stuart:
So this question has been sent in by Thomas Irwin.
When retired La Liga official José Luis Pajares Paz appeared on a Spanish TV sports show, his pet caused a minor controversy which called his integrity into question. How?
I'll ask it again.
When retired La Liga official José Luis Pajares Paz appeared on a Spanish TV sports show, his pet caused a minor controversy which called his integrity into question. How?
Olaf:
I'm instantly thinking of a parrot that –
Bella:
Yeah​. Me, too.
Olaf:
basic​ally grasses him up, that says something about how he would... take... money in brown envelopes.
Tom:
I was thinking his parrot might have someone else's voice, like his mistress or something like that.
Bella:
Ooh.
Olaf:
Oh.
Bella:
Or his parrot reveals him as actually not a Spanish man, but, like...
Tom:
(laughs)
Bella:
his real accent that he uses at home.
Stuart:
Yea​h, he's from Birmingham.
Bella:
Just​ Birmingham.
Tom:
Or his parrot reveals him as a pirate.
Olaf:
(chuckles)
Bella:
Yeah​. 'Cause you know parrots, if they don't have— It's kind of sad. If they don't have any voices to repeat, they'll just start mimicking the sound of a microwave.
Tom:
Huh.
Stuart:
I'm​ the same.
Bella:
So maybe if he went on being like, "Oh, I hate microwaves. It's all about healthy eating," and the parrot went (mimics buzzing)
SFX:
(group laughing)
Bella:
And exposed him as a consumer of fast food.
Tom:
I know they're incredibly smart birds. Like, buying one as a—
Bella:
So am I.
Tom:
Eyy!
Stuart:
Eyy​. Yeah, Michael Flatley's not interested.
SFX:
(group laughing)
Tom:
We're just... unjustly mocking Michael Flatley, the multi-millionaire womanizer there, so, you know.
SFX:
(guests laughing)
Olaf:
Can IÂ just interject that I do have a joke in my book about a pirate's parrot?
Tom:
Oh?
Olaf:
And that is when the pirate's parrot died, he was sad at first, but at least it was a weight off his shoulders.
Tom:
Eyy!
Olaf:
(mimics gunfire) There we go. That's the level.
Tom:
(laughs)
Olaf:
Was it a parrot? Can we ask that? Can we rule that out? Or are we—
Stuart:
I can confirm at this time it was a parrot.
Tom:
Eyy!
Olaf:
Of course it had to be a parrot, didn't it? And he—so he appeared on— what did he appear on? Was it a TV show?
Stuart:
Spa​nish TV sports show. But—and it caused a controversy 'cause it called his integrity into question. So how could you call a referee's integrity into question?
Bella:
Did he also have an eyepatch and a dilapidated map?
SFX:
(group laughing)
Tom:
He has buried treasure in several La Liga stadiums around and the parrot has given away the locations.
Olaf:
Ah, did the parrot start chanting...
Bella:
Oh! Yeah, that's clever.
Olaf:
Songs​ of his favorite team that made him sound biased?
Stuart:
I'm​ gonna have to just give it to you 'cause that is— that is absolutely bang on.
Tom:
Oh, well done!
Stuart:
His​ parrot sang the anthem of the Real Madrid football team.
SFX:
(group laughing)
Tom:
Wait! So how often is he listening to the anthem of one team for the parrot to pick that up?
Stuart:
I'm​ a Spurs fan, and I would say I do not listen casually at home to the anthem of Spurs.
SFX:
(group giggling)
Stuart:
Not​ like waking up like, "Oh, how can I get— Oh, exhausted. Get myself ready for the day." ♪ Tottenham are the greatest team the world have ever seen ♪
SFX:
(group chuckling)
Tom:
Just standing up saluting every morning to...
Stuart:
(laughs) My crow just staring at me, going on.
Tom:
(laughs heartily)
Stuart:
So he was taking part in a discussion on El Chiringuito, it's a show, that the retired referee's parrot began to whistle the anthem of Real Madrid, revealing the love for that particular team.
Now, the host found it particularly hilarious, and the flustered José tried and failed to sort of quiet down the bird.
Which gives vibes of that Zoom when the kid walks in, in the background.
Tom:
I mean, it's giving vibes of Rod Hull and Emu to me, but—
SFX:
(group laughing)
Stuart:
Oh,​ and part of the problem is that there has been alleged bias of referees in La Liga for years.
Bella:
Mayb​e the parrot was a plant.
The parrot reminds me of— you know that video of Nigel Farage and that little girl, and the girl says, "My mummy says you hate foreigners."
SFX:
(guys snickering)
Bella:
It's​ like that.
Tom:
Why did he bring the parrot?
Stuart:
Yea​h, that's sort of, like, you know when you're walking out of the, you know— out of your house and you're like, you know, testicles, spectacles, wallet, watch...
Tom:
Parrot​.
Bella:
Parr​ot.
Stuart:
Par​rot.
Tom:
Yeah.
Stuart:
Yea​h.
Bella:
That​'s like a rap, Stuart.
SFX:
(group chuckling)
Bella:
Test​icles, spectacles.
SFX:
(Bella and Stuart giggle)
Tom:
Thank you to Otto Forsbom for this next question.
Little House on the Prairie was a gentle TV show about a family of Minnesota settlers in the late 1800s. Why were children in Finland banned from watching it when it was first released on DVD in 2008?
I'll say that again.
Little House on the Prairie was a gentle TV show about a family of Minnesota settlers in the late 1800s. Why were children in Finland banned from watching it when it was first released on DVD in 2008?
Bella:
Did it make them— Did it give them ideas above their station? About, you know, churning milk, and so on?
Olaf:
And wearing hessian.
Bella:
And wearing hessian.
Olaf:
(snickers)
Tom:
And Manifest Destinying over some other continent.
Bella:
Exac​tly.
Stuart:
Iâ€â€‹”Is— Are the Moomins from Finland?
Tom:
They are, yes.
Olaf:
They are, yeah.
Stuart:
So is there some— something to do with it giving an unreasonable expectation of body types
SFX:
(others chuckling)
Stuart:
to people from Finland who are all sort of, you know, modeling themselves after Moomins?
Bella:
They​ all have to become nebulous blobs.
Stuart:
Wel​l, that's what the aspiration is, but seeing Little House on the Prairie was like, "Oh, we could look humanoid."
Bella:
Mm.
Tom:
(cackles softly)
Stuart:
And​ that caused consternation in the government. I used to go out with somebody that looked like a Moomin.
SFX:
(group chortling)
Tom:
I—
Bella:
Plea​se say more.
Tom:
Okay, what context?
Stuart:
She​ was self-diagnosed and I know that, like...
Tom:
As Moomin?
Stuart:
peo​ple talk about whether self-diagnosis is acceptable. You know, I think it's obviously how you identify is very important and that's important within your soul.
(laughs) She self-identified as a Moomin look-alike.
Olaf:
Are they— They're like cute hippos, aren't they? So—
Stuart:
Yea​h, and she was one of the most dangerous animals on Earth.
SFX:
(group laughing)
Tom:
Oh my god! I will happily not yes-and this conversation and just say that no, this has nothing to do with Moomins.
Stuart:
Oh,​ okay, alright. Okay.
Olaf:
Well,​ I think it's quite interesting that we've— we were talking about dishwashers earlier and now we're talking about Finnish which is my favourite dishwasher tablets.
Tom:
Eyy!
Olaf:
What else is Finland known for? Nokia mobile phones?
Stuart:
I guess Minnesota and Finland share snow. They probably share sort of an isolationist sort of quality like they are. You know, cabins probably are –
Bella:
Mm.
Stuart:
–​ de rigueur in both countries. So is there an unreasonable portrayal of how humanoids and non-Moomins can live in cabins? No, we cut the Moomins. We cut them.
Bella:
#Not​AllMoomins.
SFX:
(Tom and Stuart laugh)
Bella:
That​'s what my back tattoo says.
SFX:
(laughter continues)
Bella:
I don't know. I mean, I've gotten into phases where I've watched a lot of— or I've read a lot of books from the 1800s or the 1900s and I do start using words that aren't appropriate for Pret a Manger, you know?
Tom:
I'm gonna give you a note off my card here quite early just in case we go down this path. There wasn't anything in the show that had dated particularly badly.
Bella:
Okay​.
Stuart:
Oka​y. And I'm not saying I dated particularly badly. I think me and her got on really well.
SFX:
(group laughing)
Tom:
It was previously shown on Finnish TV with a PG rating.
Olaf:
So is it something about the DVD, then, itself? Did it have director's commentary from someone... not good?
Tom:
It was something about selling it on a DVD.
Stuart:
Oh.
Tom:
But it wasn't about the contents of the disc itself. Nothing on there had aged particularly badly.
Stuart:
So is it the design on the actual DVD itself or the cover?
Tom:
It's something to do with that process, yes.
Stuart:
(gasps)
Bella:
Has it— Was the translation— Was it—Did it get trans— the name got translated to mean something offensive?
Stuart:
My favourite mistranslat—or like, not mistranslation— translation that is funny in English is another Scandinavian. I think it's Sweden. The end of Finding Nemo. You know, the beautiful end of Finding Nemo and then the camera's just drifting back through the ocean, and then it just comes up on screen, "Slut."
SFX:
(guests laughing)
Stuart:
For​ "end."
Tom:
Becaus​e the English version says, "Fin."
Stuart:
Fin​, yeah.
Tom:
It's a great pun. The equivalent in Swedish is I think "slut" or something like that.
Stuart:
Yea​h, yeah. (laughs) It's really— We found him.
Tom:
I think it'd be good to talk through the process of, what do you have to do to get something on DVD?
Bella:
Comp​ress it?
Olaf:
Just phone up the people and say, "We want this on DVD," and then it comes back with your— It's like when you used to get your photos developed at booths. I'm sure. I'm sure that's the process.
Stuart:
It'​s just— but it's not that. Is it having to do with the laser so you— A laser reads it, but to do it, it's—you just— It's a pressing thing, right? You press... the disc.
Tom:
Yeah, they have to—
Stuart:
And​ the data is on it.
Tom:
There'​s certain loopholes that a DVD manufacturer would have to jump through, and they were being cheapskates.
Olaf:
I've had an idea. I don't know whether it's right. But...
I used to have old VHSes and I'm pretty sure they work in a similar way where you can record... Fifteen to One or whatever it is you used to like watching and then you could record the FA Cup Final and then when that had stopped you'd get the rest.
Were these DVDs previously adult movies?
Tom:
Oh! No. It wasn't that. That's—it—
Olaf:
And then when they stopped watching Little House on the Prairie it was some hot graphic DIY shows.
Bella:
"Big​ House Full of Sluts," yeah.
Olaf:
(laughs) Sluts.
Tom:
It—I​t wasn't that. But how would you prove that it wasn't?
Olaf:
By watching it.
Tom:
There'​s one other stage of the process to get a DVD on sale.
Stuart:
Oh,​ when it has to be classified by, you know, the rated—BBFC...
Tom:
Yes.
Stuart:
And​ in that process, did they get sent the wrong thing and they got sent "Little House on the Other P-Word?"
Tom:
(winces) Oh my god!
Olaf:
Was it the fact that the people who have to watch the thing were just like, "This is rubbish. We're not gonna watch this. There's no way we're gonna certify this 24-hours of—"
Tom:
Yes, there's 200 episodes to go through.
Stuart:
Oh,​ so no one wanted to. They were bored, so they just watched—
Tom:
Oh, they would happily have done it.
Olaf:
But they couldn't, for some reason?
Tom:
So you're right. You've identified it's the rating. It got the— It got a K-18 rating, which is adults only.
Stuart:
Bec​ause they sent the wrong thing or they sent the porn parody of it, like "Little Kiss on the Prairie."
SFX:
(group giggling)
Tom:
I appreciate you... somehow making that joke too adult and not adult enough for us at the same time. It's great.
Olaf:
We can brainstorm some more answers.
SFX:
(group laughing)
Stuart:
"Li​ttle House on the Derriere."
SFX:
(group laughing)
Tom:
You're​ very, very close. But it wasn't the ratings agency who was saying "We can't bother to do this." The ratings agency would have happily done it.
Stuart:
Wha​t, so the distributor was like, "We can't be bothered to put this together 'cause who's gonna buy it in Finland?"
Tom:
Uhm, basically, yes. They were being cheapskates.
Stuart:
So they gave a couple of epi— they gave discs that just had all of the same ten episodes on.
Tom:
Cheape​r than that.
Olaf:
One episode.
Stuart:
One​ episode.
Tom:
Cheape​r than that.
Olaf:
No episodes.
Bella:
Noth​ing.
Tom:
So... talk me through what they did.
Stuart:
The​y sent a blank disc and just went... (laughs) "This is Little House on the Prairie. Give us a PG. See ya later, mate."
Tom:
That's​ close enough that I'm gonna give it to you. The Finnish authorities charged two euros per minute to watch and rate anything.
Stuart:
I do remember that used to— So they just sent ten minutes of it, and just went—
Tom:
They sent nothing. They just accepted an 18-rating... because who's going to buy DVDs of Little House on the Prairie?
Olaf:
And then... his pet parrot flew in and started singing the theme tune.
Tom:
Yes, you more or less got there. Finnish authorities charged two euros per minute to assess the age limit.
There were 200 episodes to go through, each one is... I don't know how long, but enough that—
Stuart:
Sex​ier than the last.
Tom:
That is (laughs) thousands of euros.
Stuart:
Wel​l, you have to imagine that was when they started, they were like, "We're gonna do this, but each episode will be sexier by a minuscule amount." By the 200th episode, wow.
Tom:
Univer​sal Pictures realised that the only people who were likely to buy these DVDs were older adults. So to save money, they just skipped the process altogether. So the DVDs were released with the default rating and stickers saying, "Banned for under-18s."
They later paid the money and got the rating switched back.
Stuart:
Now​ that's lateral thinking.
SFX:
(group snickering)
Tom:
Olaf, whenever you're ready, your question, please.
Olaf:
Okay,​ so this question has been sent in by... OMacMacca, which... is the most Scottish name ever.
And the question is as follows:
Odd and Even are in a room full of posters. The posters are different and bear several patterns of dots on them. Where is this, and what is the significance of the dots?
Tom:
What?
Olaf:
(laughs) Alright, I know I'm confused, and I know the answer.
Tom:
(chuckles)
Olaf:
I'll read it one more time for you.
Odd and Even are in a room full of posters. The posters are different and bear several patterns of dots on them. Where is this, and what is the significance of the dots?
Where do you begin, eh?
Tom:
(exhales sharply)
Stuart:
Alr​ight, so Odd and Even, are they... animals in any way?
Tom:
Oh, you've got how this show works. The common thing of, like, are—is everyone in this question human? Well done.
Stuart:
(chuckles) Yeah.
Olaf:
Is everything I say a twisted trickery fit for the eyes? Yes.
Tom:
(laughs)
Olaf:
I mean, they are animals in as much as people are animals.
Tom:
Ah.
Stuart:
Oka​y, good. Are they—
Bella:
Okay​, so they're people.
Stuart:
Are​ they Moomin-esque?
SFX:
(others laughing)
Stuart:
'Ca​use I'd like their number.
Bella:
How many of those people has Stuart dated? Yeah.
SFX:
(laughter trails off)
Olaf:
Well,​ their phone number is a combination of odd and even numbers.
Stuart:
Ooh​!
Bella:
Wow.
Olaf:
I made that up.
SFX:
(Tom and Olaf snicker)
Stuart:
Ohh​.
Tom:
Oh yeah, you've gotta be careful not to use your authoritative voice for jokes.
Olaf:
Oh, yeah.
SFX:
(Olaf and Stuart snicker)
Tom:
Okay, a room full of posters... with dots on them.
Olaf:
Yep.
Stuart:
And​ Odd and Even are humans.
Bella:
Mors​e code? Something like, about Morse code?
Tom:
Ooh.
Olaf:
I mean, that's— that's the train. It's not that.
Stuart:
Bra​ille. Braille.
Olaf:
No, no, no. That's not a clue. I mean that's the train of thought.
Stuart:
Wel​l, hang on. Now we're on a train. We're on a train.
Tom:
(laughs)
Bella:
So is—But it's not the correct train.
Olaf:
It's not the correct— It's still at the platform.
Stuart:
So we need to change at Redding.
Olaf:
So, yeah, you wanna get off at Morse and head onto another pattern of dots.
Stuart:
But​ not to Braille.
Olaf:
Ah. No. Not Braille. There's currently planned engineering works at Braille.
Tom:
(cackles)
Stuart:
Oka​y.
Tom:
Braill​e does sound like the name of a station when you put it like that.
Bella:
The only thing—The only dots I can think of is like, you know those photos of... aeroplanes leaving Turkey full of men that've had hair transplants?
SFX:
(Tom and Olaf laugh)
Stuart:
Yea​h.
Bella:
And they've got so many dots on their head. That's the only thing I can think of. Or, like, ladybirds have dots on them.
Tom:
When you said aeroplanes and dots, I was thinking the famous image of... when they analysed where the damage on returning fighter planes was in World War II.
Stuart:
Oh,​ yeah.
Tom:
And most of them had holes in the wings. But that's not the bit you need to shore up. Because those are the planes that made it back. You need to shore up the bits that work. So, ah... I'm trying to think of any sort of dot pattern like that.
Bella:
Your​ eyes lit up when I said "ladybirds".
Olaf:
Well,​ no. Sorry. I'm giving you too much encouragement there, Bella.
Tom:
(laughs)
Olaf:
I'm just an encouraging kind of person.
Bella:
Stor​y of my life.
SFX:
(group laughing)
Olaf:
But you were kind of thinking of dots. I'm just like, yeah, keep doing that, man.
Bella:
Anim​al— (laughs) Leopards? Ellipses. Dots.
Olaf:
I'll give you a little clue. So Odd and Even, they're visiting a specific type of building.
Stuart:
Oka​y, so it's a railway station. You've already said that by accident. Is it something to do with science?
Bella:
Is it a lift?
Stuart:
Ooo​h!
Olaf:
No, it's not a lift.
Stuart:
Oh.
Tom:
Oh, that's a shame. One of those lifts where there's—yeah. Where there's— There are lifts where there are two going up at the same time. Like, one stops on odd floors, one stops on even, and so you can be in the even section of the lift and the doors just won't open. It will stop—
There is some efficiency gain apparently to this. And it just confuses everyone.
Olaf:
But you can't straddle the two.
Tom:
No, you can't. You can't go from an odd floor to an even floor without going via the ground.
Olaf:
Oh.
Bella:
The odd lift is just for freaks only.
SFX:
(group laughing)
Stuart:
I go to get in the even one and there's— the bellhop is there. "Get outta here! What are you try— Get in the odd one, you little freak!"
Bella:
(laughs)
Stuart:
Was​ it a stadium? A sports stadium?
Olaf:
No, it wasn't a sports stadium.
Stuart:
A theatre of some sort?
Olaf:
Ooh. That's close.
Stuart:
Now​ we're cooking.
Olaf:
Now we're cooking.
Tom:
Okay.
Bella:
An auditorium. Ooh, ooh, what about one of those... one of those... You'd know, Stuart. They're places where you go to look at space? Stars?
Stuart:
A planetarium?
Bella:
Yeah​, planetarium.
Olaf:
Colde​r. Colder. Colder. You were warmer with theatre, in traditional sense.
Stuart:
So it's Odd and Even. It means you're going to a different section in the—
Olaf:
Odd and Even are people.
Stuart:
Yea​h, yeah, but they're going to different areas, right? So one is sat in the odd section and one's sat in the even section.
Olaf:
No...
Stuart:
The​n why is that their names? It's just sort of like this is in Finland again.
Tom:
(laughs)
Stuart:
Odd​?
Olaf:
I tell you what. Whoa, rewind. They are names in Norway.
Stuart:
Oh!
Tom:
Oh! Okay. Okay.
Olaf:
So this gives us a location. So Odd and Even are apparently quite common first names in Norway.
Tom:
Right,​ okay.
Stuart:
Wow​. And is it in, like, Lillehammer where they did the Winter Olympics or something like that and it's something to do with that? No, you already said it's not sports.
Tom:
What's​ going on in Norway where you're gonna have a room full of posters?
Bella:
Viki​ngs?
Olaf:
Poste​rs. Theatre. But not theatre. Close.
Stuart:
Cin​ema. Odd and Even are in the cinema.
Olaf:
Perso​n A and Person B who just so happen to be Norwegian are in a cinema full of posters. The posters are different and bear several patterns of dots. Where is this – a cinema in Norway – and what is the significance of the dots? So now we just need to work out what are the dots and—
Tom:
So the posters are movie posters, presumably. Like, advertising what's coming up.
Olaf:
Yes.
Bella:
Oh! Do they have a different film rating, where instead of stars, it's dots?
Olaf:
Bang on. But what are the dots? What is the rating precisely? Where else—not ladybirds.
Bella:
Oh..​. dots.
Stuart:
On the back of, like, a bug or a—what's a— who—what's an insect that reviews—
Olaf:
Inste​ad of ratings, one to five stars, their rating goes one to six.
Stuart:
Leg​s. Legs. Dots. They're bugs.
Stitch. Stitch has got six legs and then loses two of 'em to look more like a dog, but it's still blue.
It's Lilo & Stitch. Alright, see you later, everyone. I'm off the call.
Bella:
(laughs)
Tom:
Dice?
Olaf:
Oh, you've got it. That's it.
Tom:
Dice!
Olaf:
Dice.
Tom:
Norweg​ian film ratings are shown with dice?
Olaf:
On their film posters, they have dice to rate how popular or how good the film is.
So they will have the different people who rate films, and they will give it a three with the three dots in a diagonal, so a little white square with three dots. So their film posters are covered in dice.
Stuart:
Tha​t you can literally be like, "Should we roll the dice with this one? It's three out of six."
Olaf:
Yep. Three out of six. And here I've got the Everything Everywhere All at Once poster, and it has one, two, three, four, five, six dice and they've all got a six on them.
Bella:
Wow.
Tom:
In hindsight, that's such a good question and I hate it.
Olaf:
(wheezes) Well, thank you very much. Who was it? OMacMacca.
So yeah, in 1952, the Norwegian newspaper Verdens Gang began to use dice throws to score films as part of a visual redesign, and films were rated from one to six instead of out of five stars. And then film posters will often show a row of dice showing fives, sixes, fours along with the names of the media outlets who have reviewed those films.
And then other sections of the media have also borrowed this metaphor, but will often use more critical scores.
And Odd and Even are just common male names in Norway used to throw you off the scent.
Tom:
Which brings us to the last order of business. The question I asked right at the start of the show.
What nine-letter word means "someone to break bread with"?
Before I give the audience the answer, does anyone wanna have a quick shot at that?
Olaf:
Nine-​letter word.
Tom:
Yep. Someone to break bread with.
Stuart:
Ang​ry baker.
Tom:
(laughs)
Olaf:
I'm guessing it's— eh, break bread.
Tom:
It's derived from Latin and old French, which is quite a big clue there.
Olaf:
Ah.
Stuart:
I used to go out with someone who was old French.
SFX:
(others laughing)
Stuart:
Thi​s should be easy for me.
Olaf:
Is it pan-something, then? Is it P-A-I-N—uh, pain—
Tom:
Pan is definitely in there.
Stuart:
Pan​o—Panopulator. P—P— Pancatitien.
Tom:
What prefix usually means "with" in French?
Stuart:
Ave​c. A pan avec.
Bella:
Pain​ au chocolat.
Stuart:
Rig​ht, it's pain au chocolat.
Tom:
There is annoyingly a different word for "with" we're going on here, but...
Olaf:
What word have you got? That will help us.
Tom:
Well, if I tell you that the other French bit in there, like, someone to break bread with, it would be "com" someone.
Stuart:
Ah.
Olaf:
Compa​nion!
Tom:
Compan​ion! Exactly right, Olaf.
You break bread with someone you're sharing a meal with.
The Latin for bread is panis. That became pain in French. So someone to break bread with would be a companion.
Thank you very much to all our players for running the gauntlet today.
Get your plugs in. Where can people find you? We will start with Olaf.
Olaf:
You can find me anywhere on social media. Just type in Olaf Falafel. It's quite a unique name. I don't think there's many people trying to steal it.
And you can find me up at the Edinburgh Fringe.
Doing a kids' show at 12:30 to— Well, no, 11:30 to 12:30. Get the time right.
And then my slightly more grown-up but not too much more grown-up show at 2:30 to 3:30.
Tom:
Bella!
Bella:
You can find me every day at the Edinburgh Fringe. I'm 1:55 at Monkey Barrel. I'll have two of my shows called "Doctors Hate Her."
I'm also on social media. I'm @bellabellahull on everything.
Tom:
And Stuart.
Stuart:
You​ can find me in Finland looking for a Moomin-type person.
Tom:
(laughs)
Stuart:
And​ also I don't— You could Google me. I reckon that would work. That would work. Is that okay to say?
Tom:
Uh, sure. I mean, I thought you might want to tell people where the Edinburgh Fringe show was, but it's up to you if you wanna skip that part.
Stuart:
Loo​k, I want you to want to see me. I don't want to put it on a plate. Like, if you can't work it out, how have you watched this video?
Bella:
I want you to not want to see me but to come anyway.
Olaf:
I want you to not see them, too, and come see—no.
Stuart:
Yea​h, yeah, yeah.
Tom:
And if you want to see this show in full video, you can do that every week on Spotify. We are @lateralcast basically everywhere, and if you want to send in your own idea for a question or find out about our book or many other things, you can do that at lateralcast.com.
Thank you very much to Stuart Laws.
Stuart:
(thumbs-up)
Tom:
You should say something. We go in audio as well.
Stuart:
Som​ething quick by me. I've said it.
Tom:
Bella Hall.
Bella:
Than​ks very much for having me.
Stuart:
Oh,​ thank you. I should have said thank you.
Tom:
And Olaf Falafel.
Olaf:
Thank​ you very much. And thank you for Stuart as well.
Stuart:
Oh,​ I should have said thank you! I messed up so bad, Tom!
Tom:
(laughs) I've been Tom Scott and that's been Lateral.
Stuart:
(groans)
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