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Episode 162: Brown noise
14th November, 2025 • Melissa Fernandes, Taha Khan and Sabrina Cruz from 'Answer in Progress' face questions about secret squares, adapted accessories and sleb-spotting sirenians.
Transcription by Caption+
Tom:
In 2021, in what way did Lady Gaga, Zendaya, and Prince Harry help to cheer up a dugong?
The answer to that at the end of the show. My name's Tom Scott, and this is Lateral.
There are an infinite number of possible questions out there.
How long can you survive on vibes alone?
Are mirrors just lying to us in reverse?
Is soup just a conspiracy?
Thankfully, we have three people here who investigate much better questions than any of those. It's the gang from Answer in Progress. Welcome back to the show!
Taha:
I was worried...
Melissa:
Hello!
Taha:
...for a second.
SFX:
(group laughing)
Taha:
Are these questions we've done? I was like, these are bad questions.
Sabrina:
Is soup a conspiracy? I could follow that.
Melissa:
How is it a conspiracy? It is—
Sabrina:
I don't know. What's in it?
Melissa:
What do you mean, what's in it?
Sabrina:
Why are you trying to hide— When you blend it, every time a soup asks me to blend it, I'm just like, what are you trying to hide?
Tom:
Asks you to?
Sabrina:
Well...
SFX:
(Sabrina and Melissa giggle)
Sabrina:
You know, the recipe.
Taha:
We don't talk about the voices.
Tom:
Sorry, I just— I've just realised that my script here says "introduce the players". I should probably do that at some point. From Answer in Progress, Taha Khan, welcome.
Taha:
Hello.
Tom:
How are you doing after the last few months since you were on the show?
Taha:
I'm doing great. I still haven't uploaded a video.
SFX:
(others cackle in turn)
Taha:
The research phase is really getting to me. I feel like I'm in a battle with the research. And it's winning. It's going well.
SFX:
(others crack up)
Tom:
Can you say what you're researching, or is it a secret from the others and from the world?
Taha:
Well... How much do I wanna commit to uploading this?
Tom:
(laughs uproariously)
Sabrina:
Taha, you better be committed to uploading this!
Taha:
Yeah. I'm working on a series of videos about our relationship with phones, and phones' relationship with society. So, it started off as a very simple question and has now become multiple videos.
Tom:
And at some point, they will get uploaded.
Taha:
Yeah... unless Big Tech stops me.
Tom:
(cackles) Well, also desperately not trying to stop you uploading videos, Melissa Fernandes, welcome back to the show.
Melissa:
Hellooo.
Tom:
I've just realised I haven't asked you to explain what Answer in Progress is, so I'm gonna throw to you to answer that question. What's the channel? What are you doing?
Melissa:
Oh dear. Oh dear.
Tom:
(laughs)
Melissa:
Answer in Progress is a YouTube channel. Where we learn stuff. About the world. (blurts giggle)
Sabrina:
We've been doing this for five years, Melissa!
Tom:
Also joining us... the other third of Answer in Progress, which I didn't mean to sound as derogatory as it probably came out. (laughs) Sabrina Cruz, welcome back to the show.
Sabrina:
Hello, it's me, Sabrina Cruz, the other third.
Tom:
(cackles softly)
Melissa:
(snorts forcibly)
Taha:
We're good at this. Professionals as we are.
Tom:
Well, good luck to all three of you on the show today. We can't progress any answers unless we ask some questions of our own. So, here is question one.
Thank you to Trevor Cashmore for this question.
Brown noise and Taco Bell have something in common with Main Street in San Francisco. What is it?
I'll say that again.
Brown noise and Taco Bell have something in common with Main Street, San Francisco. What is it?
Taha:
They were both invented there. Next question.
Tom:
Main Street was invented in— I mean, technically Main Street, San Francisco was invented in San Francisco. Yes, I'll give you that, but that is not quite what we're looking for.
Sabrina:
Oh man, it's really throwing me off saying Taco Bell. (wheezes)
Tom:
Saying what?
Sabrina:
The pronunciation of Taco Bell really threw me off for some reason.
Tom:
Well, how did I mispronounce Taco Bell?
Taha:
Taghco Bell.
Sabrina:
Tahco.
Taha:
Every time we say it, I'm gonna say Tagh-co Bell.
SFX:
(others laughing)
Taha:
So, so Taco Bell. I mean, how do you want me to say it? Anyway. Taco Bell and brown noise—
Tom:
I'm gonna put a different vowel in there every time now.
Taha:
Yeah, yeah. So...
Tom:
Tico Ball.
Taha:
Tico Ball and brown noise don't have— They aren't related to each other in any way.
Sabrina:
But they're related to Main Street.
Taha:
But they're related to Main Street.
Tom:
Oh.
Melissa:
Yes.
Tom:
They are all related.
Sabrina:
Okay.
Taha:
Ah. They're siblings.
Sabrina:
So it's like a challenger situation.
Taha:
I retract my siblings comment.
Sabrina:
(laughs uproariously)
Melissa:
(snorts) Oh my god.
Sabrina:
So...
Melissa:
Brown noise. Let's describe it.
Taha:
Yeah.
Sabrina:
(imitates low hum)
Tom:
Okay, no.
Melissa:
That was so off, Sabrina. That was not what brown noise sounds like.
Sabrina:
Wait, is brown noise high pitched?
Taha:
No, no, no, it's lower. It's deeper than white noise.
Sabrina:
I tried to go deep. (flat guttural buzz)
Taha:
Yeah, but it's more like (imitates fizz), you know?
Melissa:
Yeah, it's more fizzy sounding, but not like a high fizzy sounding.
Taha:
(imitates hollow fizz)
Melissa:
It's like a—
Taha:
Like that.
Melissa:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sabrina:
That was very good.
Taha:
Sorry for the mouth noises.
SFX:
(Tom and Sabrina crack up)
Tom:
What is—
Taha:
Okay.
Tom:
What is a podcast but mouth noises?
Taha:
Yeah, that's true.
Melissa:
They all kind of sound like they sizzle. I wonder if Main Street sizzles.
Sabrina:
Oh?
Taha:
Mm. (sighs) The problem is one is an audio, one is a company, and the other is a place.
Sabrina:
I feel like brown noise— Here's the thing, right? These noises – pink noise, brown noise, white noise – when did they get names? They're just noises.
Taha:
Mhm.
Melissa:
Spotify.
Tom:
If you knew that, that would be a big clue to this question.
SFX:
(Taha and Sabrina gasp)
Taha:
So they got names, because... of Silicon Valley. And Main Street is in Silicon Valley.
Melissa:
Ohh?
Taha:
So we just need to connect Taco Bell to Main— to Silicon Valley.
Sabrina:
Steve Jobs.
Melissa:
Love Taco Bell.
Sabrina:
AI.
SFX:
(group chuckling)
Melissa:
Wait, maybe you're onto something.
Taha:
Well, I think that white noise, brown noise... These are noises... that need to be— Why would noises need to be named?
Sabrina:
Well, it feels like, you know, like the Zen Buddhism movement, when it really hit North America, it feels like it was just a marketing thing, you know? It was like some— everybody wrote a bunch of books and they were trying to sell you something. They were trying to sell you on noise. Same marketing company named all three of them. It was all Mad Men'd. (chuckles)
Tom:
There is an element to what you're saying that's right. It's not some marketing company, but we are talking about the names here. You picked that out quite quickly.
Taha:
Okay, let's think about this. What— why— why is— Okay, Main Street is the main street. Taco Bell sells tacos. And brown noise is brown.
Melissa:
Is it?
Taha:
Somehow.
Melissa:
It's noise.
Tom:
It's not brown. It's a noise. Doesn't have a colour.
Taha:
Eh, mm. What about for synesthetics? No, this is a stretch.
Sabrina:
Yeah, why is it called brown noise?
Tom:
If you can answer that, Sabrina, you'll have the question. Yes.
Sabrina:
Well, yeah, it's like Brownian motion. Where does Brown appear in the world?
Tom:
Do you know those are connected, or was that just a name outta the blue?
Sabrina:
It's a name out of the blue.
Tom:
Okay. Because, okay, so, brown noise is based on Brownian motion, is based on that sort of random walk.
Taha:
Okay.
Tom:
White noise is just every frequency randomly.
Taha:
"White-ian" noise.
Tom:
Pink noise is certain frequencies. Brown noise is based on random motion and Brownian motion.
Melissa:
What is it— You said it. What does that mean?
Sabrina:
He said it was a random walk. Trust. (laughs)
Tom:
Yeah, it's the random movement of particles and things like that, is Brownian motion.
Melissa:
Well, you can walk on a street.
Taha:
Yeah.
Sabrina:
Ooh.
Melissa:
Can you walk and talk?
Sabrina:
Can Brownian motion describe... the foot traffic or the car traffic on Main Street?
Tom:
If you can link this to Taco Bell as well, I'll be really impressed.
Sabrina:
The frequency of your bowel movement.
SFX:
(group laughing)
Melissa:
(snorts, claps)
Tom:
I can give you a fourth example if you like, which is German chocolate cake.
Taha:
Black forest cake.
Tom:
Mhm.
Taha:
That's a German chocolate cake. I actually dunno if that's true.
Tom:
I mean, it is a chocolate cake from Germany, but no, I said German chocolate cake.
Melissa:
That's different.
Tom:
That is different. You've gone away from the names here. You really did drill down on the names early and then seem to have forgotten about it.
Taha:
I think all we need to do is figure out the, what is the 'Bell' in Taco Bell referring to? Maybe it's—
Sabrina:
The bell in the logo. (wheezes)
Taha:
Yeah, but why is there a bell? It's a sound. But then what about Main Street?
Sabrina:
Well, it seems like it would be the main street. They're like, they are named after a component of them, like a primary feature. 'Cause like a Main Street is usually the main street.
Tom:
No, they're not. And I dunno if you've been to San Francisco, but Main Street is not the main street.
Sabrina:
(gasps)
Tom:
Market Street is the main street in San Francisco.
Melissa:
Hmm.
Sabrina:
(gasps) How do you decide what the main street is?
Melissa:
You know what, there is a main street in Toronto. Is it anywhere close to the part of downtown?
Sabrina:
Girl, you know it's not the main street. 'Cause I didn't even know there was a main street in Toronto.
SFX:
(Tom and Sabrina laugh)
Taha:
Taco— Okay, what are— Okay, but we don't— Okay.
Tom:
You asked, where did the bell come from in Taco Bell?
Taha:
Yeah.
Tom:
If you knew that, that would be a very easy answer to this question.
Melissa:
(shakily) Alexander Graham Bell.
SFX:
(Sabrina and Tom laugh)
Sabrina:
Bro invented the phone and tacos. (throws party gesture)
SFX:
(group cracks up)
Taha:
The bell in Taco Bell. Is it the bell in the town square? I'm trying to just visualise the bell. Or is it a cowbell?
Sabrina:
They were all founded at Stanford.
Melissa:
It's like a... the bell is round on... Looks like a bell that you'd put on a tree.
Tom:
That is not where Taco Bell gets its name from.
Sabrina:
The bell?
Tom:
Not from a bell. Well, sort of from a bell. Just not from a bell bell.
Taha:
Ahh.
Sabrina:
Not a physical bell?
Taha:
What about a human bell? Like a person called... John Bell?
Tom:
Keep going, Ta— Keep going, Taha. He was called Glen Bell.
Taha:
Glen Bell. Brownian motion was invented by something Brown.
Tom:
Robert Brown.
Sabrina:
Something Brown.
Tom:
Robert Brown, yes.
Sabrina:
A dude named Brown.
Taha:
Yeah, yeah, Mr. Brown.
Tom:
Yeah.
Taha:
Mr. Bell and Mr. Main.
Tom:
Mr. Main, absolutely right.
Sabrina:
19th century businessman, Charles Main.
Tom:
And German chocolate cake?
Sabrina:
And Mr. Chocolate Cake.
SFX:
(group laughs uproariously)
Sabrina:
Mr. German?
Tom:
Yes. American Chocolate maker Samuel German.
Sabrina:
What?
Taha:
Oh my god.
Melissa:
What?
Sabrina:
Shut up.
Taha:
That needs to be banned.
Sabrina:
Get outta here.
Taha:
We're not allowed— This is false advertising.
Tom:
Yes. Brown noise, Taco Bell, Main Street, and German chocolate cake are all named after the surnames of their... not necessarily their inventor, but they're named after people.
Sabrina:
I'm genuinely outraged by this knowledge.
Tom:
Would you like something to be even more outraged by? The Outerbridge Crossing
Sabrina:
that leads to Staten Island in New York?
Tom:
It is named after Eugenius Outerbridge.
Sabrina:
Shut up—! Sorry.
Melissa:
Oh my gosh.
SFX:
(both giggle)
Taha:
Shout out— To be honest, he achieved his life mission.
SFX:
(Tom and Sabrina laugh heartily)
Taha:
Like...
Melissa:
Wow, yeah.
Taha:
He was born on this world to create an outer bridge, and he did it.
Melissa:
Wow.
Sabrina:
That's ridicul—! Wow.
Tom:
Taha, your question, whenever you're ready.
Taha:
Alright.
This question has been sent in by Alyson.
A teenager is carrying a whole head of broccoli on a tray. Two other volunteers are doing the same thing. Why?
I'll say that again.
A teenager is carrying a whole head of broccoli on a tray. Two other volunteers are doing the same thing. Why?
Sabrina:
The broccoli queen.
Tom:
The what?
SFX:
(Sabrina and Melissa crack up)
Melissa:
Wait, what is that from?
Sabrina:
Have you guys not had a corn queen? You know, broccoli equivalent of that? Sorry, I said that with so much confidence.
Tom:
Right?
Sabrina:
'Cause I really though someone would've heard that.
Melissa:
I dunno what you're talking about.
Sabrina:
Dang.
Tom:
There is a vague memory in my head of like the Iowa State Fair having a butter queen or something like that.
Sabrina:
Exactly.
Tom:
It's the local produce, and they pick some local... teenage girl to be the face of the product for that year.
Sabrina:
Perfect. Exactly.
Melissa:
Okay.
Sabrina:
But that for broccoli, in my opinion.
Melissa:
I don't think that's what's happening here, judging by...
Tom:
(chuckles)
Sabrina:
Unlocking it.
Melissa:
the look of... disdain on his face.
SFX:
(guessers chuckle in turn)
Melissa:
I think they are volunteers at a kids' camp. I think they are... They are bringing broccoli to children. For a game.
Or to force them to eat more vegetables, because there's so many children that are only eating popsicles and ice cream sandwiches that they need a little broccoli break.
Sabrina:
Really targeted there at the end.
Tom:
Yeah.
Melissa:
(giggles)
Tom:
'Forced' doing a lot of work in that sentence. My connection was simply teenagers and broccoli is the broccoli haircut that is currently popular.
Taha:
So, so Tom—
Tom:
What, I'm sorry. I'm the only one to get the reference that's mocking Gen Z's haircuts. Okay, fine(!)
Taha:
Yeah, so—
Tom:
Also, frankly, a strong insult from someone who looks like this. So, you know what? I'll retract that statement.
Taha:
What I'm learning is that—
Sabrina:
He's having his own battle in the corner.
SFX:
(group laughing)
Melissa:
Crazy!
Taha:
We didn't say anything.
Sabrina:
We just stared at him. (giggles)
Taha:
Yeah.
Melissa:
(giggles)
Taha:
(blurts soft cackle)
Sabrina:
(cackles)
Taha:
Damn.
Sabrina:
Anyway. So is it—
Taha:
Tom is so traumatised of us making fun of his age that he...
Tom:
(laughs heartily)
Taha:
Before we even start, he goes, "Fine, fine, I get it."
Sabrina:
(giggles)
Taha:
Okay. So this broccoli was not for consumption. You know, they aren't at a restaurant.
Sabrina:
Oh?
Taha:
My favourite part about this question is in the sources section, it says "personal anecdote".
SFX:
(guessers laugh in turn)
Taha:
From the person who sent in the question. Who is Alyson.
Tom:
Okay.
Melissa:
Alison, what did you do?
Tom:
Was Alyson an observer of this, or was Alyson one of the broccoli carriers?
Sabrina:
Or one of the broccoli carriers?
Taha:
So, Alyson was... was having a backstage tour... of a place...
Sabrina:
Ooh? Ooh?
Taha:
and noticed this happening.
Sabrina:
The broccoli was not meant to be eaten. The broccoli...
Taha:
No.
Sabrina:
was there to be...?
Taha:
A placeholder.
Sabrina:
Oh?
Melissa:
A placeholder.
Sabrina:
Oh, were they— Hmm.
Melissa:
Wait a second!
Taha:
Were they training to be butlers?
SFX:
(guessers laughing)
Taha:
They were definitely practicing for something.
Tom:
Okay. So what is the broccoli standing in for? This is a rehearsal for something.
Sabrina:
Mhm.
Taha:
Yes.
Melissa:
Oh yes.
Tom:
And it's something expensive... and irreplaceable and... But why are they using a head of broccoli instead? What... looks like that?
Sabrina:
It's like compact, but weirdly dense, you know?
Taha:
So this was in preparation for an event. Alyson, the question writer
Tom:
Ooh.
Taha:
was there also because they were participating in the event in some form.
Tom:
Awards ceremony.
Taha:
Okay.
Tom:
Is there an award that looks like a head of broccoli? So it's the right— So it's right for the cameras and everything like that? Like, they need to frame up camera shots. They need to make sure people are handing off the award in the right way.
Taha:
(nods)
Tom:
So it's not just like an arbitrary thing. It's like it's kind of got a handle. It's kind of got something on top.
Taha:
So I'm... I don't know... I personally can think of better things to use than a broccoli.
Tom:
Okay, okay.
SFX:
(Sabrina and Melissa laugh)
Taha:
Like personally, there are better things to use.
Sabrina:
I would like it to be known that Taha was nodding a little bit as Tom spoke.
Tom:
Okay, okay.
Taha:
I was nodding a lot.
Sabrina:
I really thought that he was onto something.
Taha:
No, no, no. Tom is definitely onto something.
Melissa:
Okay, so it's not an award, but maybe it's an actual crown. Maybe they were touring like a palace. I don't know.
Sabrina:
Ooh. But why three?
Melissa:
The king, the queen, the...
Tom:
Holy ghost?
Sabrina:
The one child.
SFX:
(guessers laughing)
Taha:
So, so here's... why Tom was... he was cooking. It was definitely an award. They have to practice it because there will be cameras.
Melissa:
Okay.
Taha:
You've noticed that three is really important. There were three volunteers each carrying a whole head of broccoli on a tray. I personally think the shape of a whole head of broccoli is not really that accurate. But it's the right size. And—
Sabrina:
So we're trying to find the name of the award at this point. But they were taking a tour of the location.
Tom:
Wait, there's three of them. This might not be an awards ceremony like the Oscars. It might be something like a podium where you've got first, second, and third.
Sabrina:
Mm.
Tom:
That's why you'd have three of them.
Taha:
Yes.
Melissa:
Mm, mhm.
Taha:
And... that is true. Now, if you were to n— like, if you were to nail where they were being taught, I think you would be able to get exactly what this is.
Melissa:
The Olympic Village.
Sabrina:
But the Olympics, they don't give a trophy or like an aw— They give you a medal.
Taha:
It's the Olympics.
Sabrina:
(giggles)
Taha:
Alyson was a badminton line judge at the 2012 Olympics in London, and as she was having their backstage tour of the arena, she noticed a group of people holding trays of broccoli as they rehearsed carrying the medals to the podium.
Now, the trays of broccoli were not actually representing the medals, which is the— which was the red herring that I didn't want you guys to get stuck into.
Tom:
Did they bring flowers?
Taha:
Yes, they were representing small bouquets that would be given to the athletes on the day. So the three volunteers were for each medalist.
Sabrina:
Ohhh.
Melissa:
Ohhhhh.
Tom:
They brought flowers to the medalists. And it's a hell of a lot cheaper to just buy some broccoli, and it'll last longer.
Sabrina:
Mhm.
Taha:
Yeah. So yes. Three teenagers were practicing carrying small bouquets to the winning athletes on the day, for the Olympics. By... carrying a whole head of broccoli on a tray.
Melissa:
That's so funny.
SFX:
(Sabrina and Melissa laugh)
Taha:
Insane. And I love that we have an eyewitness testimony as the question writer.
Tom:
That's wonderful.
Taha:
So good.
Sabrina:
So good.
Tom:
Thank you to Dani for sending this next question in.
One evening, Carina and Leo find a horse, then look for a large square to its left. Having counted to twelve, they realise it's the perfect moment to retrieve some equipment. What is it, and what does a high number indicate?
I'll say that again.
One evening, Carina and Leo find a horse, then look for a large square to its left. Having counted to twelve, they realise it's the perfect moment to retrieve some equipment. What is it, and what does a high number indicate?
Taha:
Okay, so the horse's name was Friday.
Sabrina:
Yes.
SFX:
(Tom and Melissa laugh)
Taha:
Does this help us?
Sabrina:
Okay, so I'm gonna— I'm assuming that they are looking at the horse, and then if they look left, there is a box. A square.
Taha:
(gasps) Wait.
Melissa:
A square.
Taha:
What were the names of the people?
Tom:
Carina and Leo.
Taha:
Mm. This is a rewrite. When I make my move...
SFX:
(Sabrina and Melissa laugh)
Tom:
What?
Taha:
You'll be free to check the king. They changed the names.
Sabrina:
We're making too many references.
Taha:
It's Harry Potter. (laughs)
Tom:
What?
Sabrina:
"When I make my move..." (wheezes)
Taha:
"You're free to check the king." You never heard this meme?
Sabrina:
"Ron, no!"
Taha:
"Ron, no!"
Tom:
I know nothing about Harry Potter other than what I've picked up through osmosis. I never read it. I've not seen the movies.
Taha:
It's just a very silly scene.
Sabrina:
Have you not scrolled on TikTok?
Taha:
Yeah, it's just a meme. I don't like—
Tom:
The algorithm has never served me Harry Potter stuff. That's— and I am fine with that.
Taha:
Well, you've been blessed to be honest.
Tom:
Yeah.
Sabrina:
Beautiful. So there's a horse.
Taha:
There's a horse. There's a box.
Tom:
(laughs) I don't know what that reference was implying! I don't know if you're right or wrong. 'Cause I cannot explain the reference.
Taha:
Okay. Ignore everything we've said.
Tom:
Okay!
Taha:
Okay. What I think it is, is I think this is some sort of chess related game.
Tom:
Right.
Taha:
Because they have a horse and squares... but they don't have any equipment. So, maybe it's a board game.
Sabrina:
Oooh.
Taha:
Because big squares don't exist in the world. Like they just don't, you know, you don't find horses next to big squares.
Tom:
That is an incredibly perceptive statement... Taha.
SFX:
(guests snickering)
Taha:
Okay. (giggles)
Tom:
And I kind of want— And I kind of don't wanna tell you more than that, because if I do... it'll give the whole game away. But you're right. That's very perceptive.
Melissa:
What?!
Sabrina:
So is it about speed chess? Like, a bigger number means you have more time?
Tom:
Oh no. The chess part isn't perceptive at all.
Taha:
Yeah.
Tom:
But the—
Taha:
It's that big squares don't exist naturally occurring.
Tom:
You said you don't find big horses and big squares... You don't find horses next to big squares in the world. You're right.
Taha:
Yes. In the world.
Melissa:
Is this in a video game? It's in a video game then.
Sabrina:
Oh, I was thinking like it's not a living horse.
Melissa:
It's like a fake horse.
Sabrina:
It's a statue. There's plenty of horse statues.
Taha:
They look at the square.
Tom:
Mhm.
Taha:
And then they count to 12. So is it 12 feet? Are they walking towards the square?
Tom:
The square's actually invisible. You're right, Taha.
Sabrina:
What, what?
Tom:
This doesn't exist in the world.
Sabrina:
Hold on.
Taha:
Square is invisible.
Melissa:
Then where are we?
Sabrina:
Hold on.
Taha:
The square exists, but it doesn't. It's invisible.
Sabrina:
With every visit to Lateral...
Tom:
(laughs heartily)
Sabrina:
...things get more and more lateral. (giggles)
Melissa:
The square is not real.
Taha:
No, no, no. The square is real.
Sabrina:
It's just invisible.
Taha:
Just not invisible.
Tom:
And very, very large.
Sabrina:
But the square is not encompassing the horse. The horse is next to the large, large, invisible square.
Tom:
Yes.
Melissa:
And there's equipment there somewhere. In the square?
Sabrina:
Is the equipment with the horse or in the square?
Tom:
No, they'll go and get the equipment after the count.
Taha:
Oh yeah. Naturally.
Sabrina:
Of course.
Tom:
Equipment's the second half of the question.
Sabrina:
Oh, my apologies.
Taha:
Silly me for thinking.
Tom:
Although that will become very easy.
Sabrina:
Do I need a pencil and paper? Now that we're doing Lateral, there's so much going on.
Melissa:
I keep thinking about The Hunger Games. Like in the beginning of...
Sabrina:
Is there a horse in The Hunger Games
Tom:
,
Sabrina:
Melissa?
Melissa:
There's no horse. But there is a— in the second movie, there's that big clock, and there's like, in the center, there's that cornucopia where all the equipment is. And they had to— they need to go there to get the survival stuff.
Taha:
But they can only get to the stuff in the middle
Melissa:
after a certain amount of time, because things are—
Sabrina:
You have described The Princess—
SFX:
(both giggle profusely)
Sabrina:
No, The Princess Diaries... (giggling overwhelms) The Hunger Games...
Taha:
(snickers) Oh dear.
Tom:
And, I've just had Harry Potter quoted at me incessantly, against my will. So, you know, it's one of those episodes.
Sabrina:
Okay. Large horse. Unknown if it's living or dead. Large square.
Tom:
Arguably neither, Sabrina. Just to make that even more complicated.
Sabrina:
Why are you like this?
SFX:
(group laughs heartily)
Melissa:
Not living, not dead.
Tom:
'Mythological' would be a good word for it.
Sabrina:
Ooh.
Tom:
You know, I'll give you this question again, but include some things that you've revealed.
One evening, Carina and Leo find a mythological horse, then look for a large invisible square to its left. Having counted to twelve, they then retrieve some equipment.
Sabrina:
Are they real people?
Tom:
Yes!
Sabrina:
They're real people encountering a mythological horse?
Melissa:
Are they in the metaverse?
Sabrina:
Tom, I was expecting you to say no!
Tom:
'Encountering' is not the right word there. And Taha, earlier on, you said, you're right. These things don't exist in the world.
Taha:
So they could exist in a different world.
Tom:
Depending on your definition of 'world', sure.
Sabrina:
Oh wait, is this the stars?
Tom:
(points approvingly)
Taha:
Oh, it's the Big Dipper.
Tom:
Keep going, Sabrina.
Melissa:
Ohhh my goodness.
Sabrina:
Okay, so yeah, it wouldn't be a— It would be a very large invisible square, 'cause it's a connection of stars.
Tom:
Yes. The Great Square is a collection of stars in the night sky, just to the left of... Anyone wanna guess, which constellation's the big horse?
Sabrina:
I'm so bad at stars.
Tom:
(cackles)
Sabrina:
I'm so... Orion's a guy, right?
Tom:
Orion's a guy. Pegasus is the horse.
Sabrina:
Oh yes!
Melissa:
Pegasus.
Taha:
Okay. You know what's crazy is I spent... about an hour and a half yesterday talking about star signs.
SFX:
(Sabrina and Melissa crack up)
Taha:
And I... I was like a sieve the entire time. Just not encoding any of the information, not knowing that today I would need all of that information.
Tom:
Yes. So we can now shorten the question down. Carina and Leo find the Great Square.
Taha:
Telescope.
Tom:
In the night sky. Yes. They realise it's the perfect moment to retrieve a telescope. So what does that high number, what does 12 indicate?
Taha:
They see 12 stars that are not visible, and then they see a planet.
Tom:
Wait, how do you see 12 stars that are not visible? Because you're close with that, Taha.
Sabrina:
Air quality. Cloud cover.
Tom:
Sabrina, there's— Yeah, it's very close to that. There's a particular stargazing word there. It's not cloud cover, it's not air quality. There's something else.
Taha:
Noise pollut— Light pollution.
Tom:
Light pollution! Yes.
Sabrina:
Ohhh!
Taha:
I'm still not there.
SFX:
(Sabrina and Taha laugh)
Melissa:
What does 12 have to do with light pollution?
Taha:
What does 12 have to do with it?
Tom:
Yeah, well, remember, they're counting to 12.
Taha:
There are 12— There are 12 stars in the square, or... make up the shape of the square?
Tom:
Keep going.
Taha:
And so they see all 12 stars, and they go, "Ah, we see all of the stars," which even are the least bright ones, which means that the light pollution is the lowest it's ever been.
Tom:
Yes, spot on.
Stargazers use the Great Square to check how bad the light pollution is. And you find it by looking for Pegasus and going left a bit. And if inside the Great Square, you only see three, four stars, light pollution's bad, you're not gonna see much.
If you can see 12 or more stars in the Great Square, conditions are excellent, and you should get your telescope.
Sabrina:
That's delightful.
Taha:
Nice.
Melissa:
I love that.
Sabrina:
I'm gonna be honest, I've always lived in a city. I've never even heard of the Great Square.
SFX:
(group laughing)
Tom:
Melissa, it is over to you.
Melissa:
This question has been sent in by Luke V.
Every three years, an Australian has to sit down, wear a blindfold, and put their hand in a barrel several times. This is necessary because of an effect caused by lazy donkeys. What is the problem?
I will say it one more time for your confused faces.
Sabrina:
Why is this the hardest episode?
Tom:
Why is this the hardest episode?!
Taha:
So insane. Okay.
Melissa:
Okay, you ready?
Tom:
No!
Melissa:
Every— (stifles giggle)
Sabrina:
(laughs uproariously)
Melissa:
It'll make sense. I think.
Sabrina:
(wheezes)
Melissa:
Every three years, an Australian has to sit down, wear a blindfold, and put their hand in a barrel several times. This is necessary because of an effect caused by lazy donkeys. What is the problem?
Taha:
I have an answer.
Tom:
I have an answer.
Melissa:
Great.
Taha:
So...
Sabrina:
I don't have an answer.
Taha:
I'm gonna take you back to the Great Emu War.
Tom:
Yes. Good start.
Sabrina:
Okay.
Taha:
When the humans enlisted donkeys to fight on the front lines, but they were too lazy. And when the Australians lost the Great Emu War, in order to... create a peace treaty with the emus... they gave one Australian up to the emus.
Tom:
(laughs)
Sabrina:
(blurts laugh) A sacrifice!
Taha:
To do this— Yes, to do this ritual every three years. In order to maintain the peace.
Tom:
Ah, now... You may think that, but consider... that the donkeys in question are nodding donkeys, which are the oil wells that dip their heads back and forth.
Taha:
Ooh.
Tom:
And that...
Sabrina:
Ooh.
Tom:
That they are lazy for— because they have slowed down and are not pulling high enough quality oil. Barrels of oil, out of the ground. So every three years, an Australian sits down to do a blind test of the oil by sticking his hand in the barrel.
Taha:
That sounded...
Sabrina:
So legitimate.
Taha:
Yeah.
Melissa:
That sounds so legitimate. Sabrina, what's your guess?
Tom:
(cackles)
Sabrina:
I said I did— (laughs uproariously)
Melissa:
(snorts profusely)
Taha:
Wow.
Sabrina:
Scathing.
Tom:
You can't yes-and that, can you? You really can't.
Taha:
Yeah, you're like, "Oh, well thank you for contributing."
SFX:
(Tom and Sabrina laugh)
Taha:
"And anyone else?"
Sabrina:
(inhales measuredly) (giggles) (inhales measuredly) (giggles)
Taha:
Did any of that— Was any of that part of it?
Sabrina:
The enthusiasm of you saying 'barrel'?
Tom:
I really— It is a really nice word to say.
Sabrina:
You had me. You had me. I was like, yes! It's for sure this. Is a nodding donkey actually a term for an oil rig?
Tom:
Yeah, that's actually the ones that just put the head like...
Taha:
Yeah.
Tom:
Where it looks like one of those little... drinking bird desk toys, just on a massive scale. That is referred to as a nodding donkey.
Sabrina:
You know, that makes more sense than like a Jerry.
Taha:
Okay, so is there anything to do with the Great Emu War?
Melissa:
No, nothing—
Tom:
Is there anything to do with oil?
Melissa:
No, and I have to say that... they're not literal donkeys.
Sabrina:
Okay.
Melissa:
Donkeys being— is being used disparagingly.
Sabrina:
Okay. I think...
Taha:
Wow.
Sabrina:
That... this... is... I'm guessing each— I'm like a— I'm a large language model here. Just guessing what each one is gonna be next.
Melissa:
Okay.
Sabrina:
Blindfold.
Taha:
Why would you have to be blindfolded?
Sabrina:
You're not supposed to see what's inside, I assume.
Taha:
Yeah, but they have to do this.
Melissa:
Yeah, every three years, this happens.
Taha:
They have to.
Sabrina:
This makes me think it's like a voting thing. Like it's a— it's pulling the order of something.
Melissa:
Wait, say that again, Sabrina.
Sabrina:
It's like, you know how they have to pull the order for like when you're competing in a competition or something where they're like, "Oh, I don't see it. Oh, bingo. I've pulled number 55."
I've changed the metaphor three times while speaking.
Tom:
Yeah, but donkeys is a political thing as well. That's American politics, not Australian...
Taha:
Lazy donkeys.
Tom:
But... that might be a term where... Oh, that sparked something in my head, that has. And it's gonna— I'm gonna claim later, "Oh, I knew this all along," but like there's... I think you might be right with politics, Sabrina. I think this might be...
Taha:
I agree.
Tom:
'Cause every three years, there's an election cycle.
Taha:
Is that true? That feels pretty soon for an election.
Sabrina:
I don't know. It's a different democracy.
Melissa:
You're on— You're getting super warm that it is about politics. Sabrina, it is about blindfolding to not see something. You know, you're getting really warm with picking, picking something out. Picking a number out.
Sabrina:
Picking a thing out.
Melissa:
What are we doing there? But why would you need to do that every three years? Every three years? Also...
Sabrina:
It's like Groundhog Day. (laughs) I'm back out. I'm back out. I'm cold again. I'm cold again.
Taha:
Wait, I've got something.
Melissa:
Okay.
Taha:
So I don't know if— Is three years too soon for an Australian election? It feels too—
Sabrina:
Well, she said it was an election thing, right?
Melissa:
It is about an election.
Taha:
Okay. So what I would be thinking is in order to keep the debates fair, they pick a random order in terms of who goes first, second, and third. Because having the closing statement is probably good because it's the last thing people hear. Having the opening is good, because you can frame the conversation. I don't really know what the advantage of being third— second is, but is it that?
Melissa:
It is about an— the order that—
Taha:
On the ballot?
Melissa:
Yes.
Tom:
Oh, okay.
Taha:
Okay.
Melissa:
But why?
Sabrina:
Okay.
Tom:
So the tradition is now that someone sits down and picks it out of a barrel, because... Australian tradition, right?
Taha:
Because of lazy donkeys. So... Maybe historical in some way?
Tom:
Is that just... the nickname for people who just tick the top box on every ballot?
Taha:
Ahhhh.
Sabrina:
(gasps loudly)
Melissa:
Yeah.
Tom:
Hah!
Sabrina:
Wow!
Melissa:
(laughs) Yeah.
Taha:
Damn.
Sabrina:
That's amazing! Do people vote like that?! That's upsetting. (laughs)
Tom:
Well, yes... yes. Because voting in Australia is compulsory.
Melissa:
You have to vote in federal elections.
Sabrina:
Ohhh.
Melissa:
So because voting in Australia is compulsory, you have to vote. Some people will just pick the top name on the ballot because they have to do it. And so to make it more fair...
Sabrina:
Devastating.
Melissa:
To make the whole voting process more fair, the person who is choosing who is on the ballot first, they are the person who has the blindfold on. They put their hand in the box, they withdraw the name, and then the order that they draw the names out is the order that the people... the people's names go on the ballot.
Taha:
You know what I would do? And, you know, I'm not...
Sabrina:
How would you fix democracy, Taha?
Taha:
I have no qualifications.
Tom:
(cackles)
Sabrina:
Let's do it.
Taha:
I would put the first one as: "I am disengaged with the democratic process."
Tom:
(laughs heartily)
Taha:
And then the rest of them. Because the thing is if you're—
Tom:
Yeah, you don't technically have to vote under Australian law. You only have to turn up to the polling booth and get your name ticked off.
Taha:
Yeah.
Sabrina:
Oh?
Taha:
So then it's like, "Ah, I'm here already." And maybe you just tick it off. But maybe once, you go in and go, "Ah, I might as well. I'm here."
Sabrina:
You're voting out of protest. (wheezes)
Taha:
Yeah.
Tom:
Thank you to Triscal Islington for this question. An iPhone accessory released in 2014 prompted an urgent redesign of some card terminals. This wouldn't have been necessary if they'd been designed by pit vipers. Why?
Sabrina:
(laughs huskily)
Tom:
I'll say that again. An iPhone accessory released in 2014 prompted an urgent redesign of some card terminals. This wouldn't have been necessary if they'd been designed by pit vipers. Why?
Taha:
And that was the year that they stopped
Sabrina:
letting pit vipers design...
Tom:
(laughs)
Sabrina:
(wheezes)
Melissa:
Guys, what's a pit viper? I can't Google it right now.
Taha:
It's just a viper in a pit, right?
Melissa:
What does that meeaan? Is it a snake?
Tom:
It's a snake, yes.
Sabrina:
It's a snake.
Tom:
It's a snake. You didn't need to sound quite so pleading on that, but it's a snake.
SFX:
(Sabrina and Melissa laugh)
Sabrina:
2014.
Taha:
Yeah.
Sabrina:
That's iPhone... 6?
Taha:
Mm... no.
Melissa:
8?
Taha:
You know, lucky for everyone here, I have every single iPhone that I've ever bought.
Melissa:
Oh my god.
Taha:
Right here. Right here.
Melissa:
Oh my god!
Tom:
Wow, you actually— literally next to you. I thought that was gonna be a much longer bit.
Taha:
No, no. So we can look at the back of these, and maybe they'll tell us when they're published.
Tom:
That wouldn't make much of a difference to this.
Taha:
Does this count?
Tom:
It's the accessory you're interested in.
Sabrina:
I'm thinking... cards. MagSafe.
Taha:
Yes.
Sabrina:
Demagnetize cards.
Taha:
Yes. And pit vipers...
Sabrina:
Classically magnetic.
Taha:
don't have credit cards. I think.
Tom:
Mm.
Taha:
I think magne— MagSafe makes sense.
Melissa:
MagSafe didn't come out until... That was— No, that was after.
Sabrina:
Wireless charging? But wireless charging— I literally cannot remember. 2014, what are we, middle of high school?
Tom:
This is an accessory, remember, not a key part of the iPhone.
Melissa:
The wall— I can only think of the Apple wallet on the back.
Taha:
Well, they had the brick. They had the charging brick.
Tom:
I think a good way into this... Sabrina, you said magnets, magnetism, and pit vipers can— were somehow magnetic.
Sabrina:
(wheezes)
Tom:
Now, not that, but... you are right to go, and this is something that the iPhone accessory did that also this particular type of snake could do.
Sabrina:
The iPhone accessory... does the same thing as a snake.
Tom:
Mm.
Sabrina:
Poison. Classic.
Tom:
(laughs heartily)
Melissa:
(snorts)
Sabrina:
(laughs)
Taha:
Okay. So, so, an iPhone accessory... Like, is it like one of those things? Those suction cups? Maybe there was like a car related suction cup accessory.
Melissa:
Ohhh.
Sabrina:
Mmm.
Taha:
I don't understand.
Sabrina:
Or like the gr— I'm trying to just imagine iPhone accessories now. There was also the grippy thing. You know how it just kinda hugs your phone display?
Taha:
Wait, is this the year that they got rid of the aux cord?
Tom:
It's not, but this is something that would plug in through the Lightning connector.
Sabrina:
Card terminals. I'm really—
Tom:
Yeah. Yeah. Why would— Okay, so why would you have to redesign a card terminal?
Sabrina:
Are we talking about the point of sale system?
Tom:
Yes.
Sabrina:
Where it's like a little brick that they give you, and that it used to have a swipey thing, a chip insert-y thing, or a tappy thing.
Tom:
Yes.
Sabrina:
It has a little screen.
Tom:
It is that...
Sabrina:
Okay.
Tom:
But you've missed one other thing that card terminal had.
Taha:
Buttons.
Tom:
Buttons, Taha.
Sabrina:
Terminals still have buttons.
Tom:
They do!
Taha:
Is it because... Now I'm pulling this weird fact
Sabrina:
Oh?
Taha:
It might be from a dream.
Tom:
Mhm.
Taha:
Pause, Sabrina. I'm on it.
SFX:
(others laughing)
Tom:
For those not watching in video, that was a full hand to the camera there.
SFX:
(Sabrina and Melissa giggle)
Taha:
Pause, Sabrina.
Okay. I think at some point, there was some design conflict between the iPhone and other types of ways to lay out the 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 0. Because some people went... from left to right, 1, 2, 3... and then 4 would be in the second row. The first number on the left. And some people went like a T9 instead.
Tom:
No, it's not. No. But you're right that it's a redesign of the buttons.
Sabrina:
I was thinking moreso like the... Did the buttons used to have colors? Am I tripping here?
Tom:
The buttons used to have something. Or they used to be different.
Sabrina:
Did they used to have braille?
Tom:
I'll clue you in that it's a type of camera as an accessory.
Taha:
A type of— Apple made an accessory?
Tom:
Apple didn't. Someone did.
Taha:
Oh. Someone did. But why would card— Why— Ooohh.
Melissa:
Like a scanning thing?
Taha:
It's a— It's scam related. That's the only reason you would redesign—
Tom:
Yes! Spot on.
Taha:
Yeah. You'd only redesign card— all the card machines if it was concerning for a scam reason. So Apple Pay gets invented. Potentially?
Tom:
No, no. This is just about the camera.
Sabrina:
I was thinking moreso the... like, if it's a camera thing... Payment terminals, you probably don't want people seeing you punch in the code.
Tom:
Yep.
Taha:
(gasps loudly) They had the— they b— they constructed the hidey thing for the card numbers for the first time.
Tom:
Oh, that was already in place. 'Cause any long lens camera could do that. And you're meant to cover your PIN number, right?
Taha:
Oh, it depends on how much you like sharing.
Tom:
But you—
SFX:
(group laughing)
Tom:
But you've clued in, yes. This is people being able to read someone else's PIN number.
Taha:
Okay. Infrared.
Tom:
Yes! Keep going, Taha.
Taha:
That came out of my brain. Okay, so infrared cameras were a thing in the past, but they were big and bulky. And then there was an iPhone accessory that you could do infrared cameras with. So you can see heat... Like you can see where the number is.
Tom:
Yeah!
Taha:
Where you're pointing.
Tom:
Yep.
Taha:
So... In order to solve that...
Tom:
This is the FLIR One camera.
Taha:
So in order to solve that, depending on how people were using the infrared camera, I guess you could do two things. One is you could make the hidey thing... like infrared-proof.
Sabrina:
Or you could just make the buttons heated.
Taha:
Yes, or...
SFX:
(Tom and Sabrina laugh)
Taha:
you can make the buttons so that there isn't any residual heat on the button, so the next person couldn't just take a photo with the infrared camera.
Tom:
That's exactly what they did, Taha. You're right.
This was the FLIR One camera. It was the first easy-to-use thermal camera. It plugged into an iPhone. And the old rubberised keys that card terminals used to have would hold enough heat that you could get the PIN number out of them.
Also... we were talking about pit vipers there. Why— What was the connection in that question?
Sabrina:
They see in infrared.
Tom:
They see in infrared. Simple as that.
Melissa:
Ohhh.
Taha:
Wooow.
Sabrina:
I still encounter the rubber buttons.
Tom:
Yes, and if you have a thermal camera with you, you can probably see the previous person's PIN number.
Sabrina:
Well, I guess I'm just gonna hover my warm hand above it all.
SFX:
(group laughing)
Tom:
You could even tell which order the buttons were pushed in by which one was the hottest and which one was the coldest. Which is why my PIN number is always 1111.
Taha:
Ah, yes.
SFX:
(Melissa and Sabrina snicker)
Taha:
And Tom loves sharing. And that's why he's told us that.
Tom:
Sabrina, your question.
Sabrina:
Yes. Alright.
This question has been sent in by Katie Waning.
A scientist brings a piping bag and a film canister to her laboratory. For what two related purposes will these items be used?
I'm gonna ask it again.
A scientist brings a piping bag and a film canister to her laboratory. For what two related purposes will these items be used?
Tom:
You know how you were saying this is a tough episode?
Taha:
Yeah.
Tom:
I regret to say, I think I know this one. And it's thanks to the TikTok algorithm.
Sabrina:
(gasps)
Melissa:
What?
Tom:
So...
Sabrina:
Finally!
Tom:
I'm sorry to dip out. But Taha, Melissa, this one's on you. Or I'm gonna be embarrassingly wrong very soon.
Sabrina:
I would love to call my shot like that every time. Just be like, "I think I'm gonna sit this one out. I already know the answer."
SFX:
(group laughing)
Taha:
Alright, Melissa.
Sabrina:
This is the Answer in Progress special. Just the three of us. Tom isn't here anymore.
Melissa:
She's not baking a cake, and she didn't take the ca— the roll out of the film canister already to take a photo of the cake that she wanted to make. That's not what's happening here.
Taha:
It's disposable.
Sabrina:
You had so many assumptions in there. I'm gonna need you to separate them out.
Melissa:
So the piping bag.
Sabrina:
Mhm.
Melissa:
You use that to decorate cakes if you wanna decorate— if you wanna make a cake. So she brought it 'cause she wanted to bake a cake. But also she was like, "Hey, I wanna take a photo of my cake." (giggles) This is such a unique experience to me.
Sabrina:
You know what, Melissa? I bet you, in your home right now, there is a piping bag and a film canister. However...
Melissa:
There is both.
Sabrina:
This scientist is not you. (giggles)
Melissa:
So they're not doing that.
Taha:
So we've established that the scientist is a loser who has no friends to bake a cake for.
SFX:
(guessers giggling)
Taha:
Okay, this is good information. Now the other thing we need to ask—
Tom:
I'm sorry. We have an intervention from Producer David here, who has just popped up on my screen with the words, "You only know half of it."
Taha:
Ooh.
Melissa:
Scary.
Tom:
Okay!
Taha:
Wow.
Tom:
Fine, then I will clue the first half for you, which is that I saw a TikTok of someone weighing tiny birds.
Melissa:
Birds?
Taha:
Okay.
Sabrina:
(giggles)
Tom:
This— You—
Melissa:
Why is there a piping bag?
Taha:
Thank you, Tom, for your unhelpful contribution. I am no closer to knowing anything.
Tom:
Okay. I saw a TikTok—
Sabrina:
You do only know half of it, Tom.
Tom:
Of someone— I do only know half? Okay. The film canister... is used to... This is a tiny bird. This is like a blue tit or something like that. And they place the bird upside down in here.
Taha:
Ah, I've seen that.
Tom:
And then put it on a scale, and they know how heavy the bird is. And I assumed that the piping bag... was also some sort of bird weighing device. But I have now been told that I'm wrong.
Sabrina:
It is not a bird weighing device.
Tom:
Right.
Melissa:
So you're putting a bird in the film canister to hold the bird.
Taha:
Because then it traps their wings, and they can't flap.
Tom:
Yes. It looks incredibly undignified. The bird just looks ridiculous through the whole process.
Sabrina:
But now this scientist is also bringing a piping bag.
Tom:
Huh?
Sabrina:
It's a different but related purpose.
Taha:
Different but related purpose. What else could you want to measure from a bird?
Sabrina:
Perhaps not that related. (wheezes)
Tom:
(chuckles)
Taha:
Okay.
Sabrina:
It's not to do with measuring.
Taha:
We're back to cakes!
Melissa:
Does it have anything to do with birds though?
Taha:
Yes. Surely.
Sabrina:
No.
Melissa:
Wait, it doesn't have anything to do with birds?
Sabrina:
(laughs uproariously)
Tom:
It's related to weighing birds, but it's nothing to do with measuring, and it's nothing to do with birds.
Sabrina:
Correct.
Tom:
But it's a piping bag.
Sabrina:
When you discover this, you will think, "Yeah, you know what? That is related."
Taha:
I mean, I feel like storing birds in a bag with a hole in it is a bad idea.
Melissa:
(snorts) Wait, it's nothing to do with birds.
Sabrina:
Exactly, Melissa.
Taha:
Okay, what sort of scientist... What sort of sham scientist is doing an experiment, where they weigh the birds and then do something unrelated?
Tom:
(laughs breathily)
Taha:
Are you not supposed to have a dependent variable?
Sabrina:
I think that it is more... It's related, not in the sense that it's the same experiment, but in moreso the sense of handling... fairly small things.
Tom:
Okay.
Sabrina:
Think of animals that are— I spoiled it. Think of animals that are piping bag shaped.
Tom:
(laughs) Think of animals that are piping bag—
Melissa:
Flying squirrel with its wings expanded.
Sabrina:
You're not that far off.
Melissa:
That's crazy!
SFX:
(both laughing)
Tom:
A mouse, a bat. Some sort of tiny thing that—
Melissa:
Oh, a mouse! A rat.
Taha:
A bat.
Melissa:
A bat. A bat.
Sabrina:
No, no, no.
Taha:
A rat?
Melissa:
A rat.
Sabrina:
There we go. Wow. Dr. Seuss in the house. Let's go.
SFX:
(group laughing)
Tom:
Okay.
Sabrina:
Now, why would you want to put a rat in a piping bag?
Melissa:
Okay, you either want to study its nose... Its nose?
Sabrina:
(whispering) That's so sweet.
Tom:
Or its tail.
Melissa:
(wheezes)
Tom:
You've just got a rat in a piping bag with the tail sticking out the piping end.
Melissa:
Or its tail. Okay.
Sabrina:
I... (laughs)
Tom:
Is that how you measure the length of a rat's tail? You have a piping bag, you drop the rat in the piping bag, the tail comes out the bottom end, and you go, "That's easy, just put a ruler on that."
Taha:
Well, we're not measuring anything.
Melissa:
You're— You could collect a sample.
Sabrina:
It is to hold a rat steady.
So, the film canister is used to restrain a bird humanely, while the piping bag is to restrain a rodent. Now, a scientist, vet, or other animal researcher might do this to weigh an animal or take a blood sample.
So the film canister is used to place birds into, as the darkness stops it from panicking. It isn't just to humiliate the bird.
SFX:
(group laughing)
Taha:
That's just a happy accident.
Sabrina:
Exactly.
I do have this beautiful image of a bird in the film canister. It is... It's ridiculous. But the conical shape of the piping bag is ideal to hold rodents still for a few minutes. This is the thing that delights me, which is... the little hole at the end helps them breathe. So you aren't suffocating the rat in a bag.
Tom:
Awh!
Melissa:
Awh!
Sabrina:
And yeah, piping bags are sometimes rebranded as 'rodent restraint bags'.
Melissa:
I don't like that. I don't like that. As a baker, I don't like that. You wanna keep rats out of your kitchen.
Tom:
Which leaves us with just the question from the start of the show, which honestly is one of my favourites I think that we've done a long while.
In 2021, in what way did Lady Gaga, Zendaya, and Prince Harry help to cheer up a dugong?
Does anyone want to take a shot at that before we go?
Melissa:
Sabrina, was it the hippo?
Sabrina:
Moo Deng was not alive yet certainly.
Tom:
(laughs softly)
Sabrina:
Moo Deng was like a thing in 2024. Notably young.
Tom:
But you're along the right lines there, because a dugong is a marine mammal.
Sabrina:
Sang it Happy Birthday. (shuffles arms)
Melissa:
Do you think Prince...
Sabrina:
The silence from Tom
Tom:
Yeah, sorry!
Sabrina:
after my little dance after was brutal.
Tom:
I mean, I was hoping someone else was gonna yes-and it so I didn't have to just come in and go, "No." But, mmn.
Melissa:
So, no.
Tom:
No. But this is a dugong in the Sydney Aquarium.
Sabrina:
Just such a weird batch of people.
Tom:
It is, isn't it? It's a really weird batch of people.
Sabrina:
This is also 2021, so it's like people are really desperate for— This is when all the celebrities were singing.
SFX:
(group chuckling)
Tom:
Sabrina, you're right. This is 2021.
Taha:
COVID.
Tom:
Mhm. This is COVID times.
Taha:
Mm.
Sabrina:
They dressed up as a dug— (cracks up)
SFX:
(group laughing)
Taha:
The dugong hasn't had anyone visit them.
Tom:
Mm. Yes. Sydney has been in lockdown for a while. No one has been in this aquarium.
Sabrina:
Tell me that the celebrities didn't go visit the marine animal.
Tom:
Mm, well, not quite.
Sabrina:
Did they Zoom call?
Tom:
No.
Sabrina:
The marine animal? Okay.
Melissa:
That would be wild.
Tom:
The aquarium got some help from another attraction that was nearby.
Taha:
Don't tell me that they brought an animal to the Sydney Opera House and sing it a song.
Tom:
Oh no. Quite the opposite.
Taha:
They brought the Sydney Opera House to the animal?
Tom:
(laughs)
Taha:
Um, hmm. Is that the right attraction?
Tom:
It's not the right attraction.
Sabrina:
Madame Tussauds.
Tom:
Yes.
Sabrina:
Noooo!
Taha:
Oh no!
Melissa:
What is that?
Sabrina:
Devastating.
Tom:
Where did that come from, Sabrina?
Taha:
They brought the dugong...
Sabrina:
Awful.
Taha:
to the Madame Tussauds?
Sabrina:
No, they brought little wax figures to the dugong.
Tom:
Yeah, you're right, Sabrina.
Sabrina:
Eww!
Melissa:
No!
Tom:
They did not move the dugong. They moved the wax works.
Melissa:
So they wouldn't be lonely?
Tom:
So they wouldn't be lonely! Absolutely right.
Melissa:
Awh!
Taha:
Can I tell you what this is? This is someone who was like, "There's nothing going on, and I don't have a job if I don't have work." So they decided to make work for themselves. So then they could continue having their job.
Tom:
Well, I would also think it's probably PR and cross-promotion, because Madame Tussauds' group also owns Sea Life centres. They are all Merlin attractions, at least in the UK. If that's also true in Australia...
SFX:
(guests snickering)
Tom:
I would assume that they're gonna be next to each other.
Taha:
But why are you promoting something during a pandemic? No one can go!
Tom:
(laughs)
Sabrina:
Hey, retweets still count. Retweets are just as good as people. (laughs)
Tom:
Thank you to our players for running through a very difficult set of questions. So difficult I can feel my left eye twitching as I read this bit of script out.
Where can people find you? What are you working on?
We will start with Sabrina Cruz.
Sabrina:
Hello, you can find us at youtube.com/answerinprogress.
Tom:
Taha, what sort of things do you do there?
Taha:
We answer questions that you might have wondered but thought are too inconsequential to be interesting, but they are interesting.
Tom:
And Melissa, what sort of questions?
Melissa:
Why is matcha everywhere?
SFX:
(Tom and Sabrina laugh)
Melissa:
Everywhere!
Tom:
And if you wanna know more about this show, you can do that at lateralcast.com, where you also send in your own ideas for questions. We are at @lateralcast basically everywhere, and there are weekly video full episodes on Spotify.
Thank you very much to Melissa Fernandes.
Melissa:
Hello— bye!
SFX:
(group laughing)
Tom:
Taha Khan!
Taha:
Yay!
Tom:
And Sabrina Cruz.
Sabrina:
Everywhere!
Tom:
I've been Tom Scott, and that's been Lateral.
Episode Credits
| HOST | Tom Scott |
| QUESTION PRODUCER | David Bodycombe |
| EDITED BY | Julie Hassett at The Podcast Studios, Dublin |
| MUSIC | Karl-Ola Kjellholm ('Private Detective'/'Agrumes', courtesy of epidemicsound.com) |
| ADDITIONAL QUESTIONS | Katie Waning, Luke V., Alyson, Scott, Trevor Cashmore, Dani, Triscal Islington |
| FORMAT | Pad 26 Limited/Labyrinth Games Ltd |
| EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS | David Bodycombe and Tom Scott |