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Episode 182: The calendar goal scorer
3rd April, 2026 • James Smales, Jonny Robins and John Cantrell from 'Here's What You Do' face questions about forgotten figures, speedy systems and peculiar parliaments.
Transcription by Caption+
Tom:
Which Friends character's bank card PIN is 5639?
The answer to that at the end of the show. My name's Tom Scott, and this is Lateral.
SFX:
♫ (upbeat game show theme)
Tom:
It's Friday! It's five o'clock! And you know what that means? It's time to play Lateral, the game where the facts are bizarre, the guesses are wild, and the prizes are non-existent. So who's playing today?
James Smales! Sit yourself down!
Jonny Robins, sit yourself down!
And John Cantrell, sit yourself down!
You are tonight's contestants on Lateral!
SFX:
(guests applaud in turn)
John:
Eyyy!
Tom:
And now that our contestants are in place, breathless, bewildered, and perspiring slightly under the spotlights, we welcome them to the show with some trite banter.
Welcome back to the team from Here's What You Do. Welcome back to Lateral.
James:
Thanks for having us back, Tom.
John:
Thank you for having us.
Jonny:
Thanks for having us.
Tom:
Welcome back to the show. I am again, a little worried that we have you three, because you have so much form, developing quizzes, writing questions. James, plug the podcast.
James:
Yeah, the podcast is called Here's What You Do, and each week, us three set each other a brand new quiz based on things that have happened this week. So if we've been on Lateral, we'll do three quizzes based on Lateral.
SFX:
(others laughing)
James:
And, so in my experience, I've developed quiz shows for TV. Jonny has developed games for TV. And John is our friend. But he's very good at setting quizzes.
SFX:
(group laughing)
Jonny:
Yeah.
James:
We're good at setting, bad at playing.
Tom:
Which brings me on to Jonny Robbins. How did you feel last time you were on the show? How did it go for you?
Jonny:
I was trepidatious before we started thinking. I've listened to the pod, and I was like, I don't know, you know, who invented this chemical. I dunno where this is or what— And I was like, it's just gonna blow my mind. But then... a question came in about the Pope as a Pokémon, and I was like, okay, I can settle in.
Tom:
Well, good luck on the show. John Cantrell, all three of you have again written the questions that you've brought along. How do you feel that went last time?
John:
Ooh, this— It was tricky, writing the questions, and coming up with a form of words that would work perfectly on the show. And I think it went okay. I think this one perhaps is even better.
Jonny:
Ooh.
James:
Ohhh.
Tom:
Alright, well... Contestants, the bidding starts now, and the item up for grabs is priceless curiosity itself. It's time to showcase question one.
Thank you to Zilland for this question.
Why is Colombian footballer Jasond González nicknamed 'The Calendar Goal Scorer'?
I'll say that again.
Why is Colombian footballer Jasond González nicknamed 'The Calendar Goal Scorer'?
James:
Wow.
John:
Wow. A calendar goal scorer.
James:
Calendar goal scorer. So is it that he specialises on February the 29th? That's the day when he does his best work. Once every four years, he turns up.
Jonny:
I'm looking to you guys first, being sort of the sports people. And we— on Here's What You Do, I avoid writing sports questions, football questions, because there's no point, unless there is the most obscure fact. So do— Have you guys heard of Jasond González?
John:
No. No, I have not.
James:
No, I've never heard of him. Colombian. So maybe that has something to do with it. I wonder, there are some Colombian teams with names that sound a bit like calendar. I wonder if maybe the local derby in Colombia is, are you— have you been to Colombia, Jonny?
Jonny:
I have been to Colombia.
James:
Of course you have. It's a thing in our pod where Jonny writes questions about countries he's been to.
SFX:
(Tom and Jonny laugh)
James:
So what are there, what other places in Colombia, maybe? That might help us?
Jonny:
Oh, Bogotá, Medellín. I'm trying to think where—
James:
I wonder if— Does 'Bogotá' mean 'calendar'?
John:
I've, taken this at a completely different direction in my brain. Is he a scorer who has— Has he fulfilled the task of scoring on each and every day of a full calendar year? 365 goals, 365 days?
James:
Ohhh! Oh no. But maybe it's days of the week. Because football is rarely played on certain days.
Jonny:
Yeah.
James:
And there is a couple of players in England I know that have scored on every day of the week, but it's quite rare to get games on Thursdays, I think it is.
John:
Mhm.
James:
So maybe, yeah, maybe he scored on each day of the week.
Tom:
It's not to do with the sporting achievements, I'm afraid.
Jonny:
Oh?
James:
Oh!
Jonny:
A calendar?
John:
Has he released a calendar? Has he got his own?
SFX:
(others laughing)
Jonny:
Like Cliff Richard?
John:
Yeah, why not?
Jonny:
He's the Colombian Cliff Richard. And every year—
Tom:
I'm sorry. Cliff Richard, cal— What's the connection there?
Jonny:
Cliff Richard...
James:
The Cliff Richard calendar!
Jonny:
...releases a calendar every year. That sells out, still.
Tom:
Of what, of himself?
Jonny:
Of himself.
James:
Yeah!
Jonny:
He's— It's the—
Tom:
No!
Jonny:
It's the best selling calendar every year.
Tom:
Cliff Richard, the— who I have to explain to a lot of our audience, the British pop star, who's had a hit in every decade since the '60s, apart from this one, I think.
Jonny:
Yeah.
James:
Yeah. He's still got time.
Tom:
He's still got time. Still releases a ca— Okay, I did not know that. It's also unfortunately not to do with that.
Jonny:
Oh, I was gonna say get ready, because we know what you're gonna be getting sent in the post now for the next year, every year.
SFX:
(group laughing)
Jonny:
It's gonna be adorning your wall, is a new Cliff.
Tom:
No, it is not to do with sport. It is certainly not to do with physical calendars. This is Jasond González.
James:
Jasond González?
Jonny:
So why would he be called a calendar goal scorer, if it's not to do with sport?
James:
Well, there was the TV channel in Yorkshire called Calendar, which was the local news. I wonder, is it anything to do with him being... based up near Yorkshire at some point, that Calendar?
John:
I think I know it. I think it's to do with his name. I think it's J for July. A for August. S for September.
James:
Oh yes!
John:
O for October. N for November. And D for December. Spelling Jasond.
James:
Wow!
Tom:
Yes. You correctly picked up. This is Colombian. So Jasond starts with a J. That forename has actually been shortened. What do you think his full first name might actually be?
James:
Oh, it's not like Jf...
John:
J-F-m-m. (laughs)
Tom:
Jeh-fuh.
James:
Efman...
Tom:
Efmamjjasond. Because the months are—
James:
It is Efmam!
Tom:
Yep. The months are enero, febrero, marzo, abril. I'm mispronouncing those, apologies, but yes. It is:
Efmamjjasond is his first name. He was named after the first letter of every month, and he's known...
John:
Wow.
Tom:
as a footballer, as the 'Calendar Goal Scorer'.
James:
Wow!
Jonny:
That's incredible.
John:
What a great fact.
Tom:
Well with that solve, outta nowhere, well done, John, we will go to you for your question, please.
John:
Okay, here we go.
In 1978, Norway became the only country in the world to ban trucks from going up ramps – a ban that lasted until 1989. What was the safety concern?
I'll read it again for you.
In 1978, Norway became the only country in the world to ban trucks from going up ramps – a ban that lasted until 1989. What was the safety concern?
James:
Oh, well, there's an obvious one of trucks being heavy on ramps, but surely it's more than that.
Jonny:
And snow and cold. But then there's many, many countries with cold weather and snow and ice. So it can't just be to do with that.
Tom:
Ramps is a weird one, isn't it? Truck ramp is... What kind of ramp? The ramp that gets it access to something? A ramp on a road?
James:
Yeah. My instant thought is like the trucks in Die Hard that come out the back of other trucks. That kind of ramp. Do you know what I mean? That gets you down somewhere.
Jonny:
I think.
Tom:
(cracks up)
Jonny:
I think I may have solved it.
Tom:
Oh, if you're—
James:
What?
Tom:
If it's that early, Jonny, I'm gonna ask you to take a back seat if you think you've got that, and we'll— It's on me and James.
James:
Oh, I hope he's wrong, and he looks really silly.
SFX:
(group laughing)
Tom:
Always happens. Anytime someone makes that claim. Always happens.
Jonny:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's some— There's just something— We'll— yeah. I mean, if—
James:
We'll get to it.
Jonny:
If something's revealed, and I go, "Oh yeah, I'm dead wrong." I will, I will...
Tom:
(laughs)
John:
Jump back in.
Jonny:
Jump back in.
James:
So Tom – Norway, between '78 and '89, my knowledge of that era and that country isn't great. How was yours?
Tom:
Non existent for me.
James:
Christmas trees, right? They give us a Christmas tree each year. I guess is it—
Tom:
The whole country is not always frozen. Like Norway in summer is pretty, pretty nice place to be.
James:
Are we focusing on, we've automatically assumed that this is large trucks, but are they like toy trucks? You know, like Micro Machines or something going up a ramp? And they banned it because of parts of a toy? Are they full-size trucks, John?
Tom:
Oh yeah, I'm— I was thinking big trucks. This could be like the trolleys that get pushed up— Sack trolleys, things like that. They're called trucks.
James:
(softly) Yes.
John:
They're a— eh... I would just— It's definitely not normal road-using trucks. Think elsewhere.
Tom:
Okay.
James:
Okay, okay. That's good.
John:
Is this what you thought, Jonny?
Jonny:
I'm more confident by them by the second.
SFX:
(group laughing)
James:
So, trucks.
Tom:
Okay. Then it's a Norwegian word, T-R-O with a slash-X, that translates to something else.
John:
It is normal English. No use of Norwegian.
James:
So trucks going up ramps. So we know that the truck isn't a normal truck.
Tom:
Mhm.
James:
What kinda ramp is it?
John:
It's not the sort of ramp you might find on a road or a motorway.
James:
They call a ramp, a ski jump. I know skiing is big in Norway.
Tom:
Ooh, yes.
James:
Is that ramp... trucks going up a ramp? Is it something to do with skiing, John?
John:
It's not to do with skiing. But keep thinking along those lines.
Tom:
So... trucks... Why do I have a vague memory that it's something to do with, not skiing, but... roller blading or roller skating or some— or skateboard? There's some kind of physical sport that has—
James:
Oh, yes! Skateboardings, trucks. Yes!
Tom:
Yes! Yes it is.
James:
It does!
Tom:
And skateboarding, ramps.
John:
That's it. Yep. That's it.
Tom:
Did they ban skateboarding tricks?
John:
More than that. They wholesale banned skateboarding.
Tom:
(gasps, then laughs)
James:
Whoa! In the whole of Norway?
John:
The whole of Norway, in 1978, they banned it because of... data coming out of America about the number of people getting injured. So they wholesale banned skateboarding in Norway until 1989, when they eased up on it.
James:
Wow!
Tom:
Jonny, was that what you had?
Jonny:
That's what I had, yeah.
James:
He's just gonna say yes, no matter what, Tom. You don't—
SFX:
(Tom and John laugh)
James:
"Oh, yeah. That's what I thought, sure." (giggles)
Jonny:
Yeah. So the trucks are what holds the wheels onto the skateboard, essentially. That's sort of the metal thing with the bearings on. And they are called trucks.
James:
Right!
Tom:
'Cause it's not an axle, 'cause it doesn't move that way.
Jonny:
Exactly, yeah. So they have a bit of... sort of movement in them, but yeah. They're sort of fixed in place... on the deck, and yeah, off you go, up the ramps. Or not. In Norway.
John:
Or not for 11 years.
Tom:
I wonder if there was an underground illegal skateboarding scene. 'Cause that normally has different connotations, you know?
Jonny:
Yeah, there had to be.
John:
There was. There was an illegal skateboarding scheme for a little while. And there was one place, I think it was an Oslo, where there was a legal skate park, but that was the only one for a long time. And then it bega— as the rules began to get more and more lax, there were one or two more, and then the ban was lifted finally in 1989.
James:
Whoa. That is a film I would watch.
Tom:
Thank you to Jade Varley for this question.
In the 1790s, Scottish engineer William Murdoch invented his 'Shoot' system to speed up laboratory work. It later appeared in casinos, Japanese love hotels, and even NASA's Apollo Mission Control Center. How does it work?
I'll say that again.
In the 1790s, Scottish engineer William Murdoch invented his 'Shoot' system to speed up laboratory work. It later appeared in casinos, Japanese love hotels, and even NASA's Apollo Mission Control Center. How does it work?
James:
Whoa. First thing I think of is those little tubes you get in the post rooms from Elf.
Jonny:
Yeah.
James:
It's like a chute that goes vhoom, up like that. But I don't think I'd want one of those in a love hotel.
Tom:
Well, here's the thing, James. You're right!
James:
Oh?
John:
Okay.
Tom:
Absolutely correct! Yes. This was the—@7 How do you think 'Shoot' is being spelled here?
James:
Oh, like a S— Like an S-H-O-O-T as opposed—
Tom:
Yeah.
James:
With C-H-U-T-E kind of connotations, but...
Tom:
Yes, just a very quick solve there, James. This is Scottish engineer William Murdoch, who discovered that cylinders could travel swiftly in a tube with partial vacuum, and he invented the pneumatic tube system. So I'm gonna change this question slightly. Why would you find pneumatic tube systems in each of those locations?
SFX:
(group laughing)
John:
Oh?
James:
But that's kind of why I said it, because I didn't think It would be exactly that, right. So I can only apologise. I know the format is to talk about the answer, rather than just get it correct.
SFX:
(Tom and John laugh)
Jonny:
But I was the same as you, James. I'm thinking why are they in love hotels and...
John:
Yeah.
Tom:
Mhm.
Jonny:
Or casinos to...
James:
Yeah.
John:
Casinos I can get.
Jonny:
Transport money?
John:
Surely to transport money around, or...
Tom:
Yes. Yeah. It's a secure way to send money and chips between the casino floor and the counting rooms.
Jonny:
Is it used in NASA for... In a pre-email and sort of text pager world, to get messages very quickly from one place to another? Would they put them through a chute? Do they have sort of a system?
Tom:
They do... and certainly pre-email. It was pre-some other technology as well. There was something being sent around in the Mission Control Center.
Jonny:
Oh, pre-fax machine or... They'd have telephones. So they could talk to each other on the telephone.
James:
The benefit of it is the physical thing gets to you, doesn't it? 'Cause in a fax, it's a copy. Is it things like launch codes, that kind of thing? Like the—
Tom:
Yeah, I'm gonna give you that. Yeah. It was printouts of flight controllers' console displays.
John:
There we go.
Tom:
So everyone did not have a printer on their desk. When you needed a print, it would arrive by pneumatic tube. I'm sure it was used for messaging and other things as well. But Mission Control used it to deliver printouts. Which leaves us with Japanese love hotels.
John:
Interesting.
Tom:
Which I'm going to ask... You know what? I'm just gonna pick on John, to explain what those are.
James:
(cackles)
John:
Well, oh god. Good old me. Lucky ol' me. Well, I'm actually—
James:
Well, John, you're the only one out of us
John:
who's used one, John. So you should probably—
Tom:
(laughs heartily)
Jonny:
Well, to be fair, I have spent the night in a Japanese love hotel.
James:
Oh!
Tom:
Oh?
James:
Have you?
John:
Oh, well there we go.
Jonny:
I have.
Tom:
Then I'm gonna immediately ask you to explain the concept, because they are...
John:
Pivot.
Tom:
not as sleazy as the initial idea makes them seem.
Jonny:
No. So I think they are sort of a respect thing, that when young couples are first together, they might want to go and be intimate, but not in their parents' houses. They go to these hotels, which are very discreet. You don't actually see the person behind the desk. You don't see anyone. A lot of them, in my experience, they're sort of like a section of rooms you can choose on like a board. And I think they used to be—
Tom:
Yeah, it does sound a little bit sleazy on first listen, but it is, as I say, so— Young couples in Japan often do not have anywhere else to go, because small houses with parents around.
Jonny:
Exactly, yeah. But we sort of ticked it off on our, you know, strange, you know, places to stay in Japan.
James:
Wow. And so is the tube then a way of getting something or discarding something?
John:
Will it not be anonymous communication, if the idea is that you're hidden from the people who are looking after you at the hotel? Surely that's about getting messages to reception or wherever, without them knowing who you are, or you are knowing who they are?
Tom:
Not necessarily from the rooms. 'Cause you can do that by telephone.
Jonny:
It's because you're having a connection to the person at reception? You don't see them. Is it the way you talk to them, or the way you choose the room?
Tom:
it's the— It's very close to that. There's one other element of that transaction.
John:
The invoice. The payment. The payment and the cash.
Tom:
Yes, because Japan is still a cash-first society, even now. So some Japanese love hotels even now will have a pneumatic system to take payment.
James:
Wow.
Jonny:
Wow.
John:
Love it.
Tom:
Incredible solve there. James, we'll go to you for the next question, please.
James:
Developers needed to excavate a large basement in Zhangyuan, China without demolishing a cluster of historical buildings on the site. How did a missing number 16 help them?
And I'll say that again.
Developers needed to excavate a large basement in Zhangyuan, China without demolishing a cluster of historical buildings on the site. How did a missing number 16 help them? And I can only apologise for my pronunciation of that place.
John:
Wow.
Jonny:
So developers excavating a basement, and there were some historical buildings nearby they didn't want to disturb. And the mi— what was the missing number? 16? Give me that little bit again.
Tom:
Yeah, missing—
James:
That was it, yeah. How did a missing number 16 help them?
Tom:
Alright. I have a bit of knowledge here, which is, I remember when Crossrail was being put through London.
Jonny:
Mhm.
Tom:
There were a load of historic buildings, that had automated laser theodolites put on them.
So a theodolite is a device that tracks how far away something is, checks distances.
And basically every five minutes or so, a device with a laser in would sweep 'round reflective targets that they put on all the historic buildings, all the old buildings, and check if that building had moved.
Jonny:
Huh.
Tom:
And if it had, they'd stop whatever they were doing below. Or they would make plans. They'd try. So if you are excavating, and you have historic buildings, you either have to get a person or a robot. And the reason I remember this is, is the little robot to just check, are these buildings sinking regularly? And that's the canary in the coal mine.
John:
Hm.
Jonny:
Yeah. So was that when they— also was that— When was the car park— the king in the car park? They were excavating, and they found him.
Tom:
Oh yeah, that was a few years ago. Richard III, right, in a— found under a car park.
Jonny:
But then is a missing... It was a missing number 16. Maybe it's like a 16th... Like maybe it was their king in the carpark. Was it an, you know, an emperor or someone that was found?
John:
Oh, the 16th emperor or whoever.
Jonny:
The 16th— Exactly. Perhaps, you know, the 16th...
Tom:
Would that help though? It sounds like any developer would be like, "Oh no, we found major archaeological things here."
John:
Yeah, that's fair enough.
Tom:
"That's gonna put the timeline back a bit!"
James:
(laughs)
Tom:
"Can we move him next door?"
James:
Tom, when you were talking about theodolites, you said lots of words that are correct.
Tom:
Okay, good.
James:
They weren't used in any of the correct way.
Tom:
(laughs) Okay.
John:
Okay, so, so Tom, you said robots, movements. That kind of thing.
Tom:
And lasers.
John:
And lasers, yeah. All of those sorts of things.
Tom:
And also measuring distances.
John:
So how would a missing 16 help with any of those?
Jonny:
I wonder if the buildings were as historical as they were led to believe. You know what I mean? You know when you go to a, you know, model village or a reconstruction of somewhere, perhaps somehow they'd— it'd slipped their mind that they weren't, in fact, these ancient buildings. They were, you know, part of a theme park or something that had been left behind.
Tom:
And the clue was that... some element was like number 16 was missing. And that was only a tradition that started in the 20th century, something like that.
Jonny:
Exactly, yeah. It had 2016 or something, or... or, you know, the... gate 16 to enter the theme park? I don't know. Is... Because it seems to be something around these historical buildings, are they actually what we think they are?
James:
The buildings were very fragile.
John:
Oh, that's not the same answer, is it?
Jonny:
No. They could be made of fibreglass.
James:
They couldn't dig down without the risk of cracking the walls.
John:
But that, as I said, that is not the same as historical buildings. Fragile and historical are different things.
James:
To help a little bit... What Tom said was almost entirely... the opposite of the correct answer.
Tom:
(cackles)
John:
Oh, wow.
Tom:
Yes, excellent.
SFX:
(guests laughing)
Tom:
Love it, love it. Love everything about it. Okay, so they're not using laser robot theodolites to check if things are moving.
John:
Are they, or are they hoping they move, and they're checking that they are moving?
James:
Keep going 'round that, John, I think.
Jonny:
Are they moving the build— You know, when you see those buildings on the back of a flatbed truck going down the motorway? Are they moving the buildings, but very, very slowly?
James:
Yes, Jonny. But how did a missing number 16 help them?
John:
Is it that they were quite small, and if they were 16 of these houses, it wouldn't have fitted on the back of whatever... vehicle or construction they were using to move it? 15 did, off they went, happy days?
James:
Not quite. Think of something that is missing the number 16.
Jonny:
Something that is missing the number 16.
James:
What other term is used for a cluster of buildings?
Jonny:
A town? A hamlet?
Tom:
A village?
John:
A block of flats?
James:
John, yes. Just shorten what you said.
John:
Block of flats? Flats?
James:
No, the other part!
John:
Oh, a block. (laughs)
Jonny:
It's a block.
James:
So something that has the numbers one to 15, it's missing the number 16. It would help you move some buildings on robots.
Jonny:
If it's missing the top floor, is it... That doesn't make any sense if it was 16 storeys—
John:
If you're missing a 16th floor, yeah.
Jonny:
Yeah, what would be missing that's the number 16?
James:
It's a game.
Tom:
What?
John:
A game? Are we talking?
James:
Traditionally it has the numbers 1 to 16, but you may have seen versions that don't have numbers on.
John:
Involving a block?
Jonny:
Is it a Rubik's cube?
James:
No.
John:
Oh, that's what I was gonna say, Jonny.
James:
It doesn't have something, and that helps you solve it.
Tom:
Oh my— It's one of those—
John:
Is it one of those things that you slide the tiles across, and then there's a little gap in the middle, so you can move them around?
Tom:
Sliding block puzzles.
Jonny:
Oh!
Tom:
They u— oh!
James:
Yes, that's it! They moved the buildings like a sliding block puzzle.
Tom:
Oh!
John:
Incredible.
James:
So, unable to dig out the basement without risk of serious damage to the historic buildings, the engineering team simply moved them out the way.
A large metal grid was used to support the block, and over 400 crawler robots slid the building 10 meters – about 33 feet – per day. Sensors, which is probably theodolites, continually monitored the strain put on the buildings as they moved. And a member of the construction company compared this to the famous sliding block puzzle, where the numbers 1 to 15 must be placed in order, and the number 16 is absent.
And so if you see, it's a 4-by-4 square, and you've gotta move all the blocks around, there's no number 16, get them in the right place.
And the renovated project will contain an art museum, hotels, and a performing arts centre.
Tom:
Thank you to an anonymous listener and Wouter Demyttenaere for this next question.
Belgium fell under Swedish rule in 2014. Similarly, Germany very nearly fell under the rule of Jamaica in 2017. How?
And one more time.
Belgium fell under Swedish rule in 2014. Similarly, Germany very nearly fell under the rule of Jamaica in 2017. How?
James:
Oh, I was instantly going to the dates going, is it an Olympic question?
John:
Yeah, me too.
James:
But not in '14 and '17.
John:
'17's the one that rules that out, isn't it? For any kind of sporty, really sporty related stuff?
Jonny:
Yeah.
James:
Yeah. Belgium fell under Swedish rule?
Jonny:
Was it part of an epic game of Risk that was being played?
SFX:
(Tom and James laugh)
Tom:
It's a game of Risk where it's— where the globe is the actual board, and you have to send invading arm— No, that's just war.
SFX:
(guests laughing)
Tom:
That's just actual war.
John:
That's just good ol' war.
Tom:
Yeah.
Jonny:
Yeah.
James:
Okay, so if... But it nearly fell under Jamaican rule. But it didn't.
John:
Didn't, it avoided it.
James:
That's the key. I wonder if this is rather than the countries themselves, it's almost like the teams are being ruled by another nation in an event.
So let's say it was Robot Wars, and the German team were ruled by... they nearly got conquered by the Jamaican team, but they didn't, like a capture the flag or a thing like that.
John:
Oh, I see where you're going there. I'm not sure. I'm not sure it's that. My brain instantly goes... sport. But you're right, it can't be sport. But then I was thinking... No, it can't be sport. Belgium, under Swedish rule.
Jonny:
Jamaica and Germany are so sort of starkly different, with location, culture, everything about them. What...
John:
Yeah.
Jonny:
puts those two even in the same sort of sentence? You know, Belgium and Sweden, you can sort of see...
James:
Yeah.
Jonny:
But so Germany—
John:
They're nearly neighbours, aren't they? Yeah.
Jonny:
Almost came under... the rule of Jamaica? Jamaican rule in 2017.
James:
I can't think. All I've got in my head is Usain Bolt from Jamaica.
Tom:
(chuckles)
James:
And I can't get it out—
Tom:
I will settle the debate here. This is not a sport question.
John:
Yeah.
James:
Okay.
Jonny:
Is it food and drink? Is there anything to do with food? Food or drinks and...
James:
Oh, yes!
Jonny:
the main sort of people that produced them?
Tom:
I think the closest thing that anyone said so far was James saying teams. I'm not saying it's close or it's correct, but...
James:
(cackles uproariously)
Tom:
that's the closest anyone's got so far, yeah.
John:
Is Swedish rule and Jamaican rule, are they... rules rather than being a country or you know, a team? Are they sets of rules?
Is there a Jamaican version of these things, and a Swedish version of these things? And they were applied to Belgium and Germany?
James:
Like an electoral rule. Like the Swedish rule is, you know, first past the post, and the Jamaican rule is something else.
Jonny:
Or like rules in a sport like boxing or something.
James:
But it's not sport!
Jonny:
But it's not sport, but it's teams.
Tom:
It's not sport. Again, I'm gonna pick up one word from James, which is 'electoral'.
James:
(wheezes)
John:
Oh, electoral?
James:
We're doing it one word at a time.
Tom:
Yeah.
Jonny:
Electoral.
James:
How many words are in the answer, Tom?
SFX:
(Tom and Jonny laugh)
John:
We're gonna Nerdle our way to glory.
Tom:
Electoral and teams, actually really good clue together there.
James:
I don't know enough about the German, Belgian, Swedish, or Jamaican electoral systems.
John:
Was there... So Swedish rule is, is there someone who was originally born in Sweden, who is now in charge of— was elected to Parliament in Belgium as Prime Minister of Belgium? Likewise the same with Jamaica, who's someone who was originally born in Jamaica, is now in charge of Germany, or the Prime Minister of Germany?
James:
Yes.
Tom:
No, that's possibly a bit too literal rather than—
John:
Okay, fair enough.
Tom:
But this is a phrase used in those countries.
James:
Right.
Tom:
This is not invented by the question writer. This is something that Belgium and Germany would refer to this as.
James:
So Belgium and Germany maybe have the same electoral systems, and Swedish and Jamaican rule are part of that... their events that can happen as an outcome?
Tom:
Yes.
James:
So like a hung parliament is the Jamaican rule, and a... What's it called when there's two of the s— two different parties together? Coalition!
John:
Coalition, yeah.
James:
A coalition.
Tom:
Or as you might otherwise call it, an electoral team. Coalition is definitely the right word there. You keep coming up with good words, James. I'm gonna keep calling 'em out.
SFX:
(guests laughing)
James:
One word at a time.
John:
One word at a time. We'll get there.
James:
Okay!
Jonny:
What's this? Is there something specific about a Jamaican coalition, or is that, you know, something to do with how they run their parliament?
Tom:
Mhm.
John:
Is it the number of parties involved? Is it that there are, I dunno, seven parties in Sweden, six in Jamaica, and that's the coalition that was eventually formed in Belgium and Germany?
Jonny:
Does Jamaica have its own system that isn't followed anywhere else in the world? Do they have their own unique system?
Tom:
No, I think John's closer. It's not the number of parties. But you're right, you're getting very close there, John.
John:
Yeah, yeah.
James:
So what we're thinking is Belgium and Germany have had an election, and the results of the election are called the Swedish rule and the Jamaican rule.
Tom:
Yes. Yep.
James:
And...
Tom:
Or was nearly the Jamaican rule.
James:
Oh, it was nearly the Jamaican rule.
Tom:
The Jamaican rule was an option.
James:
Oh, is it ways of sorting a tied election? And there's the Swedish rule and the Jamaican rule. And so if for example, there are three parties tied, it would be a Swedish rule, and if there were four, it would be Jamaican. But they nearly got it because there weren't actually four.
Tom:
It's not the number. It's not the number.
John:
Okay.
James:
Aaah.
Tom:
There's something else that political parties use to set themselves apart.
Jonny:
Is it the colours they use?
Tom:
Jonny, keep going.
John:
Nice.
Jonny:
So... Is it the Jamaican flag? Has that got three colours?
Tom:
Keep going.
Jonny:
Or four colours?
John:
Swedish has got two.
Jonny:
Swede is, yeah. Is it to do with—
Tom:
But again, it's not about the number. It's partly to do with the number, I guess. It's the number of colours on that flag. But what might Swedish rule be?
James:
Sweden's blue and yellow with a cross in the middle.
Tom:
Yeah.
James:
So...
Tom:
And Jamaica is...
James:
Jamaican's cross is diagonal across. But it's for, it's—
John:
Black and green.
James:
Three different colours. It's black, green, and yellow.
Tom:
It's black, green, and yellow. So what might Jamaican rule be?
John:
Do the colours represent parties?
Tom:
Yes, they do. The colours represent the parties.
Jonny:
The green— Is it like a Green Party? Like we have a Green Party.
Tom:
And Lib Dems for the yellows.
James:
Oh, I see.
Tom:
Yes.
James:
So our— in the UK, it would've been a Swedish flag as well. Because it was Conservative and Liberal Democrats.
Tom:
It was, which was blue and yellow. That would have been Swedish rule.
After Germany's 2017 federal elections, there was a proposed coalition that was the CDU, who are black; the FDP, who are yellow; and the Greens, who are green. And that is the colours of the Jamaican flag. And so the journalists nicknamed this "Jamaican rule".
Jonny:
Ah, very good.
John:
Very good stuff.
James:
Right. Yeah. It's a flag question!
John:
Right up your street, Jim, right up your street.
James:
I know.
Tom:
Yes. There's also been in 2014, the Swedish coalition brought together multiple parties. So, it was Blues and Yellows, and the Christian Democrats, who use a cross. So that was, the flag was more or less Swedish. So it was a Swedish coalition.
Other Belgian coalitions, there's the Burgundian, which is red, blue, yellow; and the Rocket, which is nicknamed after the ice lolly.
John:
Lovely, lovely, right?
Jonny:
Delicious. Yeah.
SFX:
(guests chuckling)
Tom:
Jonny, whenever you're ready, it's your question, please.
Jonny:
Prince Harvey went to work in an Apple store in SoHo, New York City for four months. The company didn't pay him a cent, but he didn't mind. Why?
So I'll give it to you again.
Prince Harvey went to work in an Apple store in SoHo, New York City for four months. The company didn't pay him a cent, but he didn't mind. Why?
James:
Well, if you're a prince, you don't need a lot of money.
Tom:
(laughs)
John:
(chuckles)
Tom:
If, on the other hand, he recently had the prince title removed.
John:
Oh yeah.
SFX:
(guests laughing)
James:
Oh dear. So like, hang on. Tom, I've learned from our last episode.
Tom:
(laughs)
James:
Is Prince Harvey a human?
Jonny:
Prince Harvey, he is a human.
James:
Okay. Is the Apple store a greengrocers?
Tom:
Oh, that's good. Oh, are we just going to alternate versions of all of this?
John:
Yes.
James:
Yes!
John:
Let's do that. Let's roll.
Jonny:
Is it not New York, but... That is a great question. But the Apple Store is not a greengrocers. It is...
John:
Fair enough.
Jonny:
an Apple store with a capital A.
Tom:
(cackles)
John:
Okay.
Tom:
I like how we've gotten to the point now, with all the question setters, and one person who's just done so many of these. Alright, let's go down the list. Let's metagame this.
Jonny:
Exactly. Exactly.
James:
Let's get this the most efficient way we can.
SFX:
(group laughing)
James:
They're missing a trick though, in New York, not to call it the Big Apple store, I think.
John:
Oh my word.
Tom:
Oh, they are.
Jonny:
Yeah.
Tom:
They are.
James:
Yeah.
Tom:
My first thought is that Prince is a valid American first name. This is just someone whose first name is Prince. His name is Prince Harvey.
John:
Yeah, yeah.
James:
Yeah.
Tom:
Because his parents called him Prince.
James:
Yeah.
Tom:
I'm not sure if that would help at all with the question, but it might remove the line of inquiry of which monarch is sending their son to work in an Apple store.
SFX:
(guests laughing)
Jonny:
So you don't, yeah, you don't think there's a royal that's being sent to go to work then?
Tom:
Harvey is also not much of a royal name. I feel like there's gonna be a lot of Leos and Georges before there are Harveys.
James:
But I guess the question then is, why did he not mind not being paid? Which is a lot of negatives in a sentence, but essentially, why would he be happy not to receive payment? Because he's got a lot of money? Sure, but that's not a lateral question.
Tom:
(chuckles)
James:
So... it's... Did it say he was sent to work there, Jonny?
Jonny:
No, no. He went to work. He went there on, you know, of his own accord.
John:
Is the payment in kind in some way? Like he was allowed to stay there. He was security for the Apple store, and was allowed to live above it, that kind of thing?
Tom:
I feel like that's illegal.
SFX:
(James and John laugh)
Jonny:
Well, it is, but... there was an... some sort of agreement, let's say, between the two parties.
James:
Well, who are the parties? Prince Harvey and Apple.
John:
And Apple.
James:
So what can Apple get? Did he have an app that they were buying or some software, and he wanted to kind of get in at the ground level to do some kind of undercover boss style work?
Tom:
Was he some TikTok influencer trying to live in an Apple Store for four months?
Jonny:
(laughs)
Tom:
Until Apple notice him.
James:
Yeah. (laughs)
Jonny:
He was not. He was not living there. He was going home at the end of the day, or the— when he had finished work, he was going home.
John:
Did he choose to get paid in some sort of in-game currency rather than dollars?
James:
Oh, yes. Wasn't paid a cent.
Tom:
Ah!
James:
But got free mat— got free Apple things.
John:
Whatever, Roblox, shall we say, Robux?
James:
Yeah, or got a laptop, or got a camera, or got a processor. Or got shares. Oh! Was he the graffiti artist
John:
Shares?
James:
who drew on the wall of Apple, and rather than being paid money, he got paid shares in the company? Is that who that was?
Jonny:
No, he was not given anything by Apple.
Tom:
Huh.
John:
Okay. Not given anything by Apple.
Tom:
No, hold on. This is carefully phrased. He went to work at the Apple store.
John:
He didn't work for Apple, did he?
Tom:
Not necessarily for Apple.
Jonny:
Okay, you may have landed on something there, Tom.
John:
Was he the kind of guy that's a statue that stands outside or inside the Apple store...
SFX:
(others laughing)
John:
And is paid by... people donating money to him?
James:
(cackles)
Jonny:
He is not a human statue. No, he was definitely inside the store, where he was at work.
James:
Ooh.
John:
Again, carefully phrased.
Tom:
For four months.
Jonny:
(chuckles)
James:
Not for Apple. So what— who works in an Apple Store, that doesn't work for Apple?
Tom:
'Cause even this is not even like a contractor who happens to be a security guard for another company. That's not a lateral question. There's some trick to this.
Jonny:
There is, there is. There's something more to this. So, I mean, I can give you, you know—
James:
If the answer was just he was the security guard, I'd be furious, I'm gonna be honest.
Tom:
Right? Yeah.
John:
I'd love that.
James:
(laughs)
Jonny:
It's upside down.
Tom:
Didn't technically work for Apple, was subcontracted.
James:
And that's the end of the show! Thanks guys, bye.
Tom:
(laughs)
Jonny:
Exact— So you're right. So, he didn't belong to a royal family, and he was there almost every day, and he was in there for hours at a time. But he wa— you know, Apple Store, they all wear the sort of the staff T-shirts. He wasn't wearing, you know, an Apple-branded T-shirt. He wasn't part of Apple, but he was in the store at work.
Tom:
Alright, here is my pitch for the New York Post article, or something like that.
We sent a journalist into an Apple store to see how long before they kick him out. He gets there at the start of each day. He sits down, he works, and he's just waiting to see how long you can spend at an Apple store doing your job before someone comes along and taps you on the shoulder, and goes, "Mate, it's a bit much."
John:
(chuckles)
James:
I love it.
John:
It's gotta be it. That's gotta be it!
Jonny:
You're not, you're not right, I'm afraid, but...
Tom:
Arrgh!
Jonny:
So...
John:
It was so good, so persuasive, Tom.
James:
You just dismissed it.
Jonny:
Well, the staff there did acknowledge him, but... they let him carry on... with his job.
James:
Right. Was he taking selfies on the display models or...
Jonny:
No. So James, you're closer... with what you're saying there. It's not right. But think about what you can do using Apple technology. In particular, the laptops. What are the programs that you can use, that may be beneficial?
James:
Oh. Was he editing on it?
Jonny:
He was editing in a way.
John:
Was he editing himself out of security footage, or into security footage?
SFX:
(James and Jonny laugh)
Tom:
Was he making his movie in the Apple store for free, and Apple were like, "Yeah, right. That seems like a good advert to have around"?
Jonny:
You are 80% there. He was not making a movie... but he was making something. What was he making?
James:
An advert for the Apple store.
Jonny:
Not an advert. It was all for him. He was making it just for himself. What was he making?
Tom:
Oh, his album?
Jonny:
He was making his album.
John:
Amazing.
Tom:
Ohhh.
James:
Ahhh!
John:
(laughs) Lovely.
Tom:
Prince Harvey sounds like a stage name, doesn't it?
Jonny:
Exactly. So...
John:
Yes, it does.
Tom:
Arrgh!
Jonny:
The story was, so he's from New York, Prince Harvey, he's a rapper and producer. His laptop had died. He faced eviction, couldn't afford replacement equipment.
So instead of giving up, he went to the Apple store every day with a little USB stick, and used the Macs and Garage Band to record his vocals, the beats, the edits, saved onto a little hard drive, and then each day would go in.
And the employees twigged to what he was doing. But it was such a good advert for other people coming into the store to see what could be done on the equipment, that they were like, "Yeah, great."
And the album that he released was called PHATASS, P-H-A-T-A-S-S, which is "Prince Harvey at the Apple Store, SoHo".
Tom:
Awwh.
John:
Oh, that's lovely stuff.
Jonny:
Yeah.
John:
(chuckles)
Tom:
So just the question from the start of the show left.
Which Friends character's bank card pin is 5639?
I am gonna ask the panel if they can figure this one out, but they're all taking notes, and I suspect—
James:
I know it, I think, yeah.
Tom:
You know it? Yep?
John:
You know it, Jim? Well played.
James:
I think it's Joey. I think it's predictive text on the keys, isn't it?
John:
Oh, that is right up your street.
Tom:
Yes, it is. Absolutely right. This is Joey Tribbiani. Joey calls Phoebe from Las Vegas, asking her to remind him of the PIN that he's forgotten, because he scratched it on the corner of the ATM 'round the corner.
SFX:
(guests cackling)
Tom:
And Phoebe replies, "Oh, so you're 5639," which is "Joey" on predictive text, which he has forgotten. And that joke is never even acknowledged in the show. It's the Easter egg.
Jonny:
Wow.
John:
Oh, that's so lovely.
James:
(laughs)
Tom:
Thank you very much to all of our players. What's going on with the podcast? Where can people find you? We'll start today with Jonny.
Jonny:
So our podcast is Here's What You Do. And come along for three fun new quizzes each week, set by us, where we challenge each other.
Tom:
John, what sort of questions? What kind of topics? Is it everything? Is it something?
John:
It is anything you can imagine. You'll have us making animal sounds. We'll ask you who's the drunkest James Bond.
We'll ask you questions about different words, different countries, and different times. Everything under the sun, we'll ask a question about it.
Tom:
And James, where can people find you?
James:
Everywhere you would normally find your podcasts. In the podcast apps. And if you're there, why not rate it five stars as well?
SFX:
(Tom and Jonny laugh)
James:
Get it up the charts! We wanna be next to Lateral!
Tom:
And if you wanna know more about this show, you can do that at lateralcast.com, where you can also send in your own ideas for questions. We are at @lateralcast basically everywhere, and there are weekly video episodes in full on Spotify.
Thank you very much to James Smales.
James:
Thank you, bye!
Tom:
Jonny Robins.
Jonny:
Cheers, bye.
Tom:
John Cantrell.
John:
Thank you, good bye.
Tom:
I've been Tom Scott, and that's been Lateral.
Episode Credits
| HOST | Tom Scott |
| QUESTION PRODUCER | David Bodycombe |
| EDITED BY | Julie Hassett at The Podcast Studios, Dublin |
| MUSIC | Karl-Ola Kjellholm ('Private Detective'/'Agrumes', courtesy of epidemicsound.com) |
| ADDITIONAL QUESTIONS | James Smales, Jonny Robins, John Cantrell, Zilland, Jade Varley, Wouter Demyttenaere |
| FORMAT | Pad 26 Limited/Labyrinth Games Ltd |
| EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS | David Bodycombe and Tom Scott |